I was at the beach when I saw a bloke with a donkey and a sign reading "Rides from 2.50"
So I paid my money and jumped on.
We got about halfway down the promenade and I was loving it. I didn't want it to end but he said he had to get back to his donkey.

Just before Christmas last year my gran was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, it was terrible news to get just before the festive season, but on the plus side I've got her the same present this year.

I had a dog: half-pit bull, half-poodle.
Not much of a guard dog, but a vicious gossip.

There are two cows in a field. Which one is on holiday?
The one with the wee calf.

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."
Try telling that to the owner of the little terrier, down the road, that just had it's throat ripped out by a rottweiler.

My Father said that he is so fed up of all my pets, the next one I get he is going to drown.
I'm seriously considering getting a shark.

Dear Moths,
Okay so you live for about a week.
Why don't you go see the London eye or see how far you can get round the world?
Please stop hanging around in my bedroom and also feeling the necessity to nose dive at my phone as I type this...
Thanks

It is advised that if confronted by a bear you should drop to the ground, stay silent, act submissively and wait until it's lost interest in you before you move.
Respect to the blatant rapist, who clearly wanders forests dressed in a bear suit, for releasing this 'advice' to the world.

My six-year-old got savaged by two greyhounds last night.
You can't really blame the dogs - he has a hare lip.

Two dogs are having a walk through the park. One turns to the other and says...
"Do you use a rubber when you make love?"
To which the other replies:
"Yeah d'you Rex?"

A man walks into a pub with his dog and bets the barman 500 that the dog can talk. The barman takes him up on the offer thinking the man was mad. So he says to his dog "What is on the top of a house?" and the dog says "ROOF!" then the man says "whats my wifes name?" then the dog says "RUTH! then the man asks "what is the most important person on a football pitch?" and the dog says "REF!" Needless to say the barman throws them both out and as they're laying on the pavement the dog looks at the owner and says "Defender?"

I saw a seahorse for the first time in my life today.
Somebody flooded the stables.

I recently bought an elephant, So I could scare my wife with it when she gets home.
I've got the elephant of surprise.

I cant help but feel sorry for those dying souls floating around in that putrid horrible infected water!
Poor rats!!

Say 'No!' to animals in Circuses.
And, if that doesn't work, beat them and smack them with your whip so they'll know who's boss!

I've forgotten the name of my homing pigeon..
But I'm sure it will come back to me.

Sometimes when i'm bored, I like to ring the owner of a missing animal to let them know i can't find it.

What do you get if you put a zebra in a washing machine?
A donkey.

Researchers said today ..... 'Chimpanzees deal with death like humans'
What a load of twaddle........
I've never seen a chimpanzee post a dead human joke on Sickipedia yet!

Is it more offensive telling my black friend that she smells like my dog, or telling my dog she smells like a black person?

BBC News: 'New Mini-Species of Tiger discovered!'
So just a cat, then?

Just bought a new pair of boxer shorts.
I spoil that dog something rotten.

I have a great idea for next year's new year celebrations. I'm going to put 20 dogs in one of the London eye's pods and watch the fireworks go off.

Thought I saw Batman's shadow in our house earlier..
Turns out our German Sheppard was sat at the top of the stairs

Zebras are serious animals.
They're very black and white about things.