"360 vision? I can't get my head around that!"
Said the owl.

Going out clubbing this weekend.
Should get a good bit of money for the furs.

Whats the difference between a hamster and a cow?...
...the cow survives the branding

When I was younger my mum came home to find my puppies were all dead.....So she went off to the pet store to buy some new ones, In the hope I wouldn't notice!
But i did.........
And I killed them to!

Inside Nature's Giants.
Last time I did that I got arrested at the zoo.

Petsmart have a sale on mute Parrotts, at 3 each this offer wont be repeated.

What do you call an exploding monkey ?
Baboooom !!!

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you put a chameleon on a mirror?

Bob goes to the dog's home and asks the guy in charge:
"That big Alsatian there looks friendly, but does he like small children?"
"He loves 'em," says the guy, "but it'd be a lot cheaper to buy him proper dog food."

Why is that when a group of kittens are born they are called a litter?
I don't put them all in the bin, sometimes I keep one.

My girlfriend won two goldfish at the fair last night, so we decided to call them Thelma and Louise.
They will most probably be dead by the end of the week.

I can't really blame pandas for not mating with each other.
It must be weird doing it with someone who looks just like you.

I spilt some Mr Muscle Descaler last week and my pet snake slithered right through it.
I don't have a pet snake anymore, more a big chubby worm :(

"My new boyfriends just like a panda"
"What - he eats, shoots & leaves?"
"No, he's fat and sterile."

I don't know why the kids and wife were so upset.
I though naming our new dog 'Emergency Food Supply' was very appropriate.

As I jumped onto the back of the motorbike, it made a loud roaring noise and shot off down the street. Everyone was staring open-mouthed and I could just tell they were all thinking how cool I looked in my leathers. But then I lost control and was headed right for a pedestrian. The bike threw me off, and carried on right into him, before ripping his leg off and eating it.
Looking back, it might have been a lion...

With jobs thin on the ground, I took a risk and had a go at elephant poaching. There were some surprised faces when I turned up for work with a 2,000 gallon drum of boiling water and a 40-foot slotted spoon.

My dog's got a hand growing where his tail should be.
He keeps wagging his finger at me - so is he happy or cross?

My mate asked my advice on which dogs are best to take on a duck shoot.
I gave him a couple of pointers.

My pet Rabbit has been very ill recently, but it's getting better. He's recovering in leaps and bounds.

Snakes like to chew Wrigley's

i asked a donkey to tell me his life story, it took years

My pet elk has vanished, one moment it was in the garden next moment vamoose

Went to London zoo the otherday.
They were no apes there, weird.

I just cleaned my pet fox's teeth with a bunch of herbs.
Basil Brush