A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, your going to have to help me. Every morning I wake up convinced that I wrote Lord of the Rings."
The doctor nods and replies, "Don't worry, you've just been Tolkien in your sleep."

Whenever I worry that I've been wasting my life, I cheer myself up by remembering that I have never read a Twilight book.

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn't put it down.