I bought a book on practical jokes from Waterstones today.
When I got it home and opened it, all the pages were blank and fell out.

My mom wouldn't let me read or watch Harry Potter when I was little because she thought I would start acting like a Wizard.
Stupid muggle has no idea what she's talking about.

I got my wife one of those books I know she'll read over and over again.
'Coping with Memory Loss'.

Apparently "50 shades of grey" is the first book in history where there is no need for it's readers to lick their fingers to turn the pages.

I've just finished my book on evaluating litrature.
It was alright.

I originally wrote my novel with a start, a middle and an ending. It got rejected fourteen times.
So I rewrote it, putting half the middle first, then the start, followed by the ending and finished with the rest of the middle. It was the same story, just told unintelligibly.
It's now been published for a million pounds, gone straight to the top of the bestsellers, got nominated for three awards and the film's due out next year.

Just read a book about youth in Asia.
Made me want to kill myself.

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on band wagons.
"Oh, everyone seems to be borrowing that one"

It's gonna be really difficult to hold the Eurovision song contest next year with all of those dementors hanging around.

Kate and Gerry are bringing out a new book on how to raise your kids,
It's got lots of tips on how to control their behaviour.
Top Tip no 1!
Sacrifice one child so that the others behave.
Top Tip no 2!
Remind them if they tell anyone the next holidays booked.

I always take a Dan Brown novel with me when I go for a dump. Not to read; to wipe with.

Man goes into library & asks if they have any books on numbers. The librarian says, "One or two"

She asked me to be the Romeo to her Juliet, so I put her in an artificial coma and killed myself.

So, Sickipedia have released an American Version of their Sick Joke book.
Considering the amount of jokes directed at them, I wouldn't think that they'd raise funds for a new server.
Then again, what do I know, i'm American.

If you think the 'amazon kindle' text to speech option is a joke.. Try downloading 'A Brief History Of Time'......

Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true love and to be very romantic.
Sure, if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic.

The Guardian Online:
"Child abuse reviews to be published"
When i get my copy, i think i'll queue up for hours to get the author to sign it.

I'm currently reading 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.
Which freaked me out because I didn't think he knew anything about my life.

I bought a book to help me overcome my shyness and it really works.
Now I can talk to people while hiding behind it.

If an infinite amount of monkeys had an infinite amount of typewriters
how long would it take them to write the complete works of Shakespeare?
...I dunno but I reckon in the first three seconds they'd have written
the autobiography of Katie Price.

Tomorrow sees the release of the audiobook of 'Fifty Shades of Grey'.
Read by Joe Pasquale.

New Oxford Dictionary entry reads:
Clown's pie (n). A very, very wet minge. "Finding ourselves alone in the shooting lodge at Balmoral, Her Majesty bade me descend to her ladygarden. After 50 years of widowhood, I found her to be considerably aroused. It was like being hit in the face with a clown's pie". (From"The memoirs of Queen Victoria's Ghyllie" by John Brown )

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on how to be a taxi driver.
The librarian replies "It's just around the corner."

I'm pretending to the wife that I'm interested in the book 50 shades of grey.
That way, she wont think I'm a pervert when the film comes out.

I love that Sickipedia have finally released a joke book!
Now I can add published writer to my CV
All I have to do now is avoid applying for jobs were the boss is either disabled or part of any ethnic minority