I bought a book on practical jokes from Waterstones today.
When I got it home and opened it, all the pages were blank and fell out.

My mom wouldn't let me read or watch Harry Potter when I was little because she thought I would start acting like a Wizard.
Stupid muggle has no idea what she's talking about.

I got my wife one of those books I know she'll read over and over again.
'Coping with Memory Loss'.

Apparently "50 shades of grey" is the first book in history where there is no need for it's readers to lick their fingers to turn the pages.

I've just finished my book on evaluating litrature.
It was alright.

I originally wrote my novel with a start, a middle and an ending. It got rejected fourteen times.
So I rewrote it, putting half the middle first, then the start, followed by the ending and finished with the rest of the middle. It was the same story, just told unintelligibly.
It's now been published for a million pounds, gone straight to the top of the bestsellers, got nominated for three awards and the film's due out next year.

Just read a book about youth in Asia.
Made me want to kill myself.

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on band wagons.
"Oh, everyone seems to be borrowing that one"

It's gonna be really difficult to hold the Eurovision song contest next year with all of those dementors hanging around.

Kate and Gerry are bringing out a new book on how to raise your kids,
It's got lots of tips on how to control their behaviour.
Top Tip no 1!
Sacrifice one child so that the others behave.
Top Tip no 2!
Remind them if they tell anyone the next holidays booked.

I always take a Dan Brown novel with me when I go for a dump. Not to read; to wipe with.

Man goes into library & asks if they have any books on numbers. The librarian says, "One or two"

She asked me to be the Romeo to her Juliet, so I put her in an artificial coma and killed myself.

So, Sickipedia have released an American Version of their Sick Joke book.
Considering the amount of jokes directed at them, I wouldn't think that they'd raise funds for a new server.
Then again, what do I know, i'm American.

If you think the 'amazon kindle' text to speech option is a joke.. Try downloading 'A Brief History Of Time'......

My mate Colin is a typical example of someone who's read Proust.
He hasn't read it.

Everyone keeps recommending I read "50 Shades of Grey."
I keep telling them I'm not interested, at least not until they release the picture version.

Gryffindor: I'm brave and loyal. Ravenclaw: I'm smart and logical. Slytherin: I'm ambitious and cunning. Hufflepuff: ...I like turtles.

Just remember women; whilst Fifty Shades of Grey may bring you climax it won't cuddle with you after.
I mean, neither will I, just saying...

Someday trans-gender Pinocchio, you'll be a real girl.

I am busy reading a new dictionary. To be fair, it's not much different to the first one I read.

I was in our local library earlier today, when a small, round root vegetable came in and asked the librarian if she had a book about suicide.
I though "That's a turnip for the books"

By now, I think nearly everyone in the world knows who Harry Potter is... Unless they're locked in a cupboard under some stairs.

Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true love and to be very romantic.
Sure, if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic.

The Guardian Online:
"Child abuse reviews to be published"
When i get my copy, i think i'll queue up for hours to get the author to sign it.