My girlfriend says she can always smell feet in my house.
Which is fair enough as I have 3 tesco bags full of em under my bed....

My wife is always saying "Waste not, want not." But then yesterday she said I was rude and tacky when I asked for a doggie bag!
Anyway it turns out they don't have them at the abortion clinic.

I turned up late to my cannibal convention
They gave me the cold shoulder

Dilemma: An older mature woman or younger foxy girl?
Clearly the latter. After all, Happy Meals are cheaper than Chardonnay.

I believe it's the child inside me which makes me a cannibal.

One of the things I really miss about my wife is the smell of her cooking.
I have to admit though, she did taste rather nice along with the roast veg.

My wife asked me if I thought we should have another baby.
I said, "Slow down there love, the legs are still in the freezer. Let us finish this one first."

Did you hear about the cannibal who only ate vegetables?
He particularly like the ones with Down's Syndrome

Two cannibals come across a missionary in the jungle. After killing the man, they decide to split the body evenly. "Look," said one cannibal. "I'll start at the head, and you start at the feet, and we'll meet in the middle."
So the two begin to devour the man's body. After a short while, the cannibal at the head looks up and says, "How's it going down there?"
"I'm having a ball!" replied the other.
"No!" shouted the first cannibal. "You're eating too fast!"

People make me sick.
I guess I should stop eating them.

A cannibal returned from a holiday missing a leg.
"What happened?" asked his friend.
"It was self catering." he replied.

I accidentally ran over a baby the other day.
Which means legally, I can take it home for lunch.

Cannibalism means every fight is a food fight.

"You are what you eat" should only apply to cannibals.

Cannibalism. Putting the "EAT" in "DEATH".

Note to self
When informing the relatives of a murder victim that the killer was also a cannibal!
Remember to tell them that we found remains, and not left overs.

An atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon Forest suddenly finds himself surrounded by a group of blood thirsty cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed this time!"
Suddenly there is a ray of light from Heaven and a voice booms out, "No, you are not screwed. All you have to do is pick up that rock at your feet and bash in the head of the chief cannibal standing in front of you".
So the explorer picks up the rock and proceeds to bash the chief unconscious.
As he stands over the body, breathing heavily and surrounded by hundreds of cannibals with looks of shock and anger on their faces, God's voice booms out again and says, "OK.....Now You're screwed".