All of these Kenyans are so poverty-stricken...yet they still have a team in the Cricket World Cup?

im supporting race for life this year.
by standing at the starting line with a machine gun

I see David Beckham is among the celebrities promoting the latest 'Books for Kids' campaign.
It's brilliant.
I swapped all my John Grisham novels for a cute 10 year old girl.

All these kids in Africa, no money for food but they must have lots of money for beer, they all have beer bellys

I just sent all of my spiderman and Batman magazines to Africa. Think I got the wrong idea about comic relief.

My mate told me he has a shed full of geese. I asked him for a gander...

A woman knocked at my door today asking if I'd be willing to give just 2 pounds to a 6 year old african orphan.
I said I'm no ogre love, If he works hard enough he can have a fiver.

My wife is sat on the sofa downstairs with a box of Kleenex, sobbing her heart out watching Comic Relief.
I'm led on the bed with a box of Kleenex for an entirely different reason.
I'm also watching Comic Relief.

I think I'm being scammed. I give five pounds a month to a charity. They're committed to beating heart disease. All the diseases I can think of make it stop.

I phoned up the Samaritans today because I was feeling really depressed having been told I have a heart defect.
They entered me into next years Marathon.

I'm doing my bit for Children in Need. So far I've collected 100 and I'm keeping it.
Well, I was a child once and I need the money.

I was about to donate some money to help feed starving African children, but decided I wanted another bag of maltesers instead.
I love my life.

My wife just posted on Facebook "The Pride of Britain Awards are on TV tonight, better get the tissues ready"
i'm sure i'm not the only one who thought.......what time's Hannah Montana on then?

After all the running around to collect the ten thousand pound that I raised for Children In Need for walking a whole fifty miles, I decided that I needed a car, lucky really.

I must have seen hundreds of asians and blacks driving taxis this weekend in London which made me think...
Its nice to see Comic Relief is still working

I hate the fact that they punctuate the comedy with serious unfunny sketches during Red Nose Day. My sides were splitting as I watched lots of black babies dying of Malaria when they spoiled it by sticking Michael McIntyre on.

Just watching the footage of poor starving african kids on tv....makes you wonder how they manage to afford a fresh buzzcut but cant afford to buy their lunch...

It think its a nice added touch how the BBC and Oxfam take starving children, then make them drink from filthy water and stand still with flies on there face just for an advert.

"If we don't receive 30million in donations over the phone by 2am then kids all over the world will suffer."
No, not Children in Need, I've rounded up a few friends over the internet and we've begun taking hostages.

November - the month of the year when a load of desperate attention seekers grow a moustache in the thinly veiled pretence that they are doing it for charity, when actually they think it will get girls to talk to them.

Whilst watching the pictures of the starving African kids on Sport Relief the other night, I was choked.
No not emotionally, I was halfway through the contents of a KFC bargain bucket, when a chicken bone got stuck.

I love the skits they do on Comic Relief.
My favourites are the ones with the Africans.

It's 1.20am in the morning and I've been watching BBC's Comic Relief for over six hours.
All these people donating hundreds of pounds of their own money and I must admit that I feel disgusted in myself.
I should have gone to bed about 10pm, as I'm in work for 6am.

My wife's upset that I give 10 quid a month to send orphans to school in Africa.
"You promised to take care of my sister's children after she died!" she screamed.

I was in town earlier when a woman with a charity tin came up to me and said "Care to help children with cancer?"
As much as I'd love to, I don't really have the capital funding or the technology to accelerate malignant bone marrow cell growth.
So I gave her a cigarette.