My wife just posted on Facebook "The Pride of Britain Awards are on TV tonight, better get the tissues ready"
i'm sure i'm not the only one who thought.......what time's Hannah Montana on then?

I was about to donate some money to help feed starving African children, but decided I wanted another bag of maltesers instead.
I love my life.

I'm doing my bit for Children in Need. So far I've collected 100 and I'm keeping it.
Well, I was a child once and I need the money.

I phoned up the Samaritans today because I was feeling really depressed having been told I have a heart defect.
They entered me into next years Marathon.

I think I'm being scammed. I give five pounds a month to a charity. They're committed to beating heart disease. All the diseases I can think of make it stop.

Watching those poor, mal-nourished African kids hasnt half made me hungry!!

3 quid a month buys helium balloons to lift starving Africans kids up and away.
I can then use the anti-aircraft gun I bought with the overseas aid.

Today's the 150th anniversary of our local RNLI. This calls for a big celebration.
I think we might be pushing the boat out tonight.

Just been watching Comic Relief and I found the footage of the impoverished and uneducated blacks really harrowing
Why does the BBC continue to use Lenny Henry & Reggie Yates?

Gordon Brown's acting is as useless as his left eye

My wife just had a call from a Charity asking her to donate some of her clothes to some of the starving people in the world.
She asked "How will giving somebody clothes stop them being hungry?"
Apparently they're short of tents as well.

Co-op fair trade chocolate is made up of 93% fairtrade ingredients.
Do they make their profit from ripping off the other 7%?

I love children in need.
...What charity appeal?

My Mrs was sat watching Comic Relief when she shouts at me to pledge....
One thing letting her out the kitchen to watch t.v but asking me to clean

The benefits of Red Nose Day are already showing,
20,000 Ghanaians were seen on a trip to Wembley.

children in need: more than a million chldren in the U.k have a learning difficulty.But they dont want your sympathy.
Just your money then

When I watch Comic Relief I always imagine I am bipolar. I sit all night watching celebrities making a fool of themselves and then a starving African baby comes on and always cheers me up.

I've been sponsoring a child in Africa for about 8 months now and i'm starting to get really annoyed.
I mean, in all the photos i've been sent of little Keto, I haven't once seen my name on the front of his shirt.

A charity worker stopped me in the street and said that some 8 year old gets paid 10 a month to make my shoes.
couldn't help but think those kids have some skills .....i couldn't even spell my name at 8 years old.

Susan Boyle and Peter Kay in the same room at the same time?
I suspect editing.

If you've never sent a pair of your dirty panties to a soldier, then freedom obviously means nothing to you.

I found a poo stain in my boxers tonight.
It's fairly standard when you buy underwear from a charity shop.

One of the things I love about this time of year is how those kind charities give out free bin bags through the letterbox.
Thanks to Sue Ryder, British Heart Foundation and Children's Leukemia Research for getting into the Christmas spirit. I have saved a fortune!

The tagline to the charity Save The Children is "No child born to die."
Well, technically...

There are so many more charity adverts on around Christmas.
Basically, Children in Africa are starving. Any money we can send they use to build wells and teach the people hygiene and farming techniques. It's amazing really how little it actually takes...
To make me change the channel.