Learning about food poisoning in France.
C'est difficile.

I didn't realise that you could hire skips.
I don't understand how you get them back in the bag once you've eaten them, though?

So Starbucks have released an However-you-want-it Frappuccino, where you create your own frappuccino just the way you want it.
How about cheaper?

According to McDonald's, they spend 16,000 hours a day training their staff.
And then they move on to the second half of the alphabet

I always talk to my food before I eat it.
It's the only way I can be sure it will agree with me.

I walked out of my local take-away today and there was a charity worker outside giving out leaflets on how to donate items to the Haiti survivors.
She asked me, "Can you spare a few tins of food for the starving people of Haiti?"
"No. And I'm not even going to finish this kebab".

Why do French people drink loads of wine?
It's the closest they're ever going to get to a 'win'.

I'v just had a can of E150, Sweetners (Aspartame, Acesulfame K), Phoshoric Acid, Flavourings (Including caffeine), Preservative (Sodium Benzoate) Citric Acid containing a source of Phenylalanine....
Or Pepsi as some people call it.

After spending over 20 years without ever seeing a paki gravestone I've finally realised where donner meat comes from.

The new McDonalds ad is asking us to get in to the festive spirit this Christmas by buying a chicken burger and a glorified pop tart.
Yeah they have really got this Christmas thing spot on.

Why, when I order a burger, do I get a side-salad, yet when I order a salad, I don't get a side-burger?

I've just bought some Chicken Tonight, but I'm going to eat it tomorrow.
Fight the Power!

I had a microwave burger today.
Thinking back, beef would have been better.

I tried to find out if our local Mexican bistro was actually moving the 'Chilli' section on its menu, but they're keeping it under wraps.

My football team were losing badly after half time, so I decided to bring on some subs.
The newspapers said it was the first mid-game picnic they'd ever seen.

McSplurry:
The type of bowel movement you experience after dining for a week in fast food restaurants

If red bull gives you wings....
Does Brawn now give you Springs?

Just been watching that advert on tv for Patak's curry sauces...
"Patak's.... The reason Britain loves curry"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Lager the reason Britain loves curry?

Africa, the only place in the world where you get a pint of flies and your beer lands in it

I work at a chocolate factory, but they don't like me talking about it. Which is why I have to Wispa.

do you think in china they have english people delivering fish and chips to their door via moped?

Saw a Poster in the supermarket today which read,
Coco Pops
No added colours
Oh, so JLS aren't getting a new member?

Sad to hear that the inventor of the Doritos has died of nachoral causes.

I decided to have some nice chocolate cake today. I entered a patisserie and said: Whoa, you're already fat enough!
It proved to be an effective way to get a random girl's cake. For free.

I had some ice cream the other day that was as hard as a brick.
Turns out it was Walls...