The person who coined the well known phrase 'as different as chalk and cheese' obviously hadn't tasted Somerfield's own brand cheddar.

As I sat down to eat my dinner today, that Unicef ad came on the Tv.
Apparently there are 7 million children ill, starving or dying.
I looked down at my plate of Steak, chips, mushrooms and fried onions, I felt a sickness in my stomach...
I can't stand onions!

I thought I was going to drown the other day. Fortunately I had a couple of bags of Walkers crisps which helped me float.

When ever I eat out at McDonald's, I like to have a Happy Meal...
So I leave the wife and kids at home.