My Great Great Grandad was killed at The Battle of the Little Bighorn
He wasn't involved in the battle,
He was camping in the field next door and went to complain about the noise.

I just subjected my wife to what we laughingly call a 'Pearl Harbour'.
It's a surprise Nip Attack.

Well its that time of year to go out joy riding...bonfire night.
Its the only time they dont send out the police helicopter.

I wondered if Henry IV ever signed any orders 'HIV'? Probably - he had aides.

It's Gregor Mendal's 189th Birthday. Being that old, no wonder he smells like pea.

What's the difference between Elvis , and Rudolf Hess ?
Elvis didn't come to Scotland to sing

The time when the suffragettes were campaigning for the vote was the only time many women stuck to their diets.

"If we didn't kill Hitler we'd all be speaking German"
No, we'd be dead....
he killed himself. everything would be just the way it is.

What's got one head and 13 brains?...
Peter Sutcliffe's hammer!

"I need a Jew" I told my wife today
"why" she asked
"our new shower system needs testing"

I just saw an advert on Facebook urging me to 'Discover America'.
They should really remove ads that are more than 500 years old.

Scientists are now saying that Mary Magdalene was edited out of The Last Supper painting.
I disagree.
Who do you think made the supper?

I wonder how many people standing on the earth in 1870 predicted that less than 100 years later there would be a man standing on the moon.
Whose name was Buzz.

BBC SPORT: 'Pompey fans wary of share offer'
Pompey fans? Don't they know Caesar already won?

People keep saying that the wheel is the best invention ever.
Have these people ever tried to ride a unicycle?

I have 1 comment about your browsing history.
Nothing says everything.

I'm considering spending the weekend at a castle.
I've heard the knight life is really good there.

My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me you'd all be speaking German."
Well it's not like German people are speaking English.

Don't you think it's a bit of a coincidence that the battle of Hastings happened on the same date as the number of the HastingsDirect website?

"It's Bully from Bullseye!" I exclaimed as I saw the small statuette.
"You aren't really an expert in Cretan archeology are you?" replied the museum director.

There is nothing more tedious than having to listen to someone telling you what they dreamed of last night.
Martin Luther King found that out the hard way.

I've never understood why people were so angry about Margaret Thatcher back in the day,
She was only a miner problem

The only reason we, the French army surrendered to the Germans was because the American government phoned us and said it was coming to Rescue the situation.

Rosa Parks didn't call shotgun.

While visiting relations in South Africa , I decided to look up the family tree.
Darwin was right. There were monkeys swinging in it's upper branches.