I plan to celebrate Columbus day this year by walking into a stranger's house and telling them that I live there now.

They should stop teaching history in schools.
It's spoiled the end of loads of movies for me.

149 B.C.
Frosties breakfast cereal is invented by Alexander the Grrrrrrrreeat

Zeus sent women to be a punishment for men, they were a nuisance so men couldn't live with them but they were dependant so men couldn't live without them.
At least they got one thing right

They say that History never repeats itself, That's probably because I delete it before it has a chance to,

The wife showed me a picture of a Gaudi designed building in Barcelona and said "what's it called?"
I couldn't name it, but it did look Familia.

The Costa Concordia disaster appears to have been caused by the captain failing to turn in time.
Strange that. The Italians turned very quickly in World War II.

Does anyone else think that Hitler would have still been keen to create a blonde haired blue eyed master race had he seen John and Edward on the X factor ?
Me neither.

They say those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
I didn't learn a thing from history in school, am I going to start wars and kill millions of Jews?

My wife just left me because of my apparent obsession with Tudor times.
However, I got the last laugh. I shat on her out of the window when she was leaving.

Smokeless anthracite has been mined in the USA since 1790.
Entrepreneurs made a fortune selling it to Red Indian tribes who weren't on speaking terms.

It seems that Honest Abe was a big fan of the rap-rock genre. The question is, when attending a concert, where did Linkin Park?

My great grandad used to wonder the streets of London at midnight giving money to waitresses.
He was called jack the tipper.

English men lead the Australian race..History does repeat itself.

It's the Stone Age. A caveman's wife comes running up, screaming:
"Ugg! Ugg! A sabre-toothed tiger has just walked into my mother's cave!"
Ugg is unimpressed: "Stupid tiger. It'll just have to fight its own way out, won't it?"

I've just got back from a history exhibition at the Albert Hall, I found the whole thing a total disappointment...
Hitlers ball was nowhere to be seen.

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
'Cause I'm not French, and never will be.

Everyone knows Christopher Columbus was responsible for one of history's biggest blunders.
Discovering America.

The form of the pyramids of Egypt tells us that even in the earliest times, workers had tendency to work less everyday.

Apparently writing Adolf Hitler as who you aspire to become is a good way to get suspended from school.

"Obama and wife too later congratulate newly weds Harry and Kate"
could this be the first time americans were late to support the british in a national event?

God must have loved the Africans. He gave them beautiful landscapes, majestic wildlife, valuable mines as well as a tremendous physical strength. Mind you, he did give us guns and chains.

Benjamin Franklin
Huge stoner. Do you know how stoned you have to be to think about electricity? When there's no electricity.

When it comes to marriage, I'm very old fashioned and traditional.
I have them beheaded if they can't give birth to a boy.

A Russian girl the other day asked me, "Who was Lenin?"
I was quite amazed, it's like a German asking who Hitler was, or a Chinese person asking who Genghis Kahn was, or an American asking who Ronald Macdonald was.