I saw a homeless guy cowering in a doorway holding an old newspaper over his head sheltering from the heavy rain.
"I couldn't help but notice but it looks like you could do with a place to take shelter for the night," I said as I leaned in to help him to his feet.
"Oh yes, thank you sir," he beamed with a glimmer of hope.
"I thought so," I replied, "my neighbours have gone away for the week, If you follow me I think you'll find that their wheelie bin is empty."
The other day, I saw a homeless woman and her child begging for money. I presume it was 'bring your child to work day'
There's this homeless guy that I always see in my route to work. And because of that I always make sure to keep a few extra coins in my wallet.
You know, for show off.
Top tip: Picking up aluminium cans along the streets can bring you some extra cash; but by pouring the dregs into a single can, you can stop and refresh yourself from time to time.
Well, didn't get one trick o' treater bothering me last night.
I think its the one night of the year I appreciate being homeless,
A tramp stopped me in the street and asked, "Any change?"
Being a werewolf I advised him to hang on till the full moon, then he'd see plenty.
How can you tell if a begger is faking it for the money?
Tell them a knock knock joke and see if they answer.
In my spare time I like to help homeless people find the nearest shelter.
It's pretty easy, I just tell them to follow the the first bus that drives past.
Some homeless guy was getting mouthy with me outside the pub last night.
"Lets take this inside," I demanded.
I saw two homeless people up at the butcher's tonight.
It's about time really. The smell of their rotting bodies is starting to make my neighbours suspicious.
All the tramps in sheffield are really shifty. I know they're selling something on street corners but every time I get close they either hide it under their jackets or run away. I can't see what the big issue is!
I walked up to a tramp today and said, "If you answer this question correctly, you will be in with a chance of winning one million pounds. Would you like to try?"
His eyes lit up, "Yes please!"
I said, "Right then. What is 50p + 50p?"
He screamed, "One Pound!"
So I give him one and told him to go buy a lottery ticket.
I was walking past a tramp earlier, but ignored him as i was in a rush.
'How do you sleep at night?!' he shouted at me.
'In wonderful comfort thanks,' I said, 'how about you?'
If you're homeless it may feel that the whole world is looking down on you.
But that's only because you're sitting on the ground.
Living rough in a cardboard box has it's advantages.
Whenever I take a bird back and nail them they usually don't like to stick around for cuddles.
A tramp came to me and said, "alright mate do you wanna buy some weed from me? I need to pay for a room tonight and it's top stuff."
I turned to him and said, "there's a cop there, say that to him and you'll be inside for a while."
I was walking down the road with my work colleagues when a homeless guy came up to me and asked, "Can you spare some coppers?"
"Yes", I replied,"Arrest that smelly tramp".
A study shows that lots of time spent outdoors leads to better eyesight.
Which explains why you never see a homeless guy in Specsavers.
Queues of people camped outside the Stadium of Light in Sunderland to get their hands on Take That tickets.
One local resident said it was the best standard of living she'd ever experienced.
I love it when you're just strolling down the high-street, and someone offers you a freebie.
Like earlier, there was this funny looking geezer waving a hat full of 10p's at me, very nice of him.
Thieves stole a charity box full of money from a Salvation Army worker.
Ironically, the money still went to the homeless.
I never used to agree with arsonists setting fire to houses, until I became homeless.
Now I've started to warm to them.
Ahh I love April fools day.
Although I prefer to call it "tease the homeless day"
I saw a poor old tramp in my local
supermarket, just looking at all the freshly
baked loafs of bread,
I approached him, put my arm round him
and said, "I'll help you out, which way did
you come in?"
Walking down the street this morning, I came across 2 homeless guys kissing.
Disgusted, I told them to 'Get a room'.
The expression on their faces were priceless!