Living rough in a cardboard box has it's advantages.
Whenever I take a bird back and nail them they usually don't like to stick around for cuddles.

If you're homeless it may feel that the whole world is looking down on you.
But that's only because you're sitting on the ground.

I was walking past a tramp earlier, but ignored him as i was in a rush.
'How do you sleep at night?!' he shouted at me.
'In wonderful comfort thanks,' I said, 'how about you?'

I walked up to a tramp today and said, "If you answer this question correctly, you will be in with a chance of winning one million pounds. Would you like to try?"
His eyes lit up, "Yes please!"
I said, "Right then. What is 50p + 50p?"
He screamed, "One Pound!"
So I give him one and told him to go buy a lottery ticket.

All the tramps in sheffield are really shifty. I know they're selling something on street corners but every time I get close they either hide it under their jackets or run away. I can't see what the big issue is!

Today I was in a really happy mood. I decided to go on my casual stroll around my area, you know? Breathe in the fresh air. But then I came across a tramp.
"Please Sir, can I have some money? My bank account has been hacked into and I've lost my house, car, bed and everything!"
So, me being generous, I gave him a 1000 cheque.
You should have seen the look on his face.

I was walking down the street, then a homeless man said to me, "Can you please spare me a sorry?"
I said, "What?"
He said, "I beg your pardon."

I walked past a homeless man today and he shouted to me, 'Have you got a pound for a sandwich?'
I replied, 'Show me the sandwich and i'll give you a pound for it!'

My mum used to say I'd never amount to anything.
If only she could see me now, with my very own bed in the homeless shelter.

I saw a homeless guy sat in a doorway, holding his hand out. So I pulled some loose change out my pocket and handed him fifty pence. He pointed to a pound coin and said "Can I have that?"
I said, "Beggars can't be choosers mate."

We've all been told to feel sorry for the homeless, but how can we when they have better Christmas lights than we do

I've decided to become a true humanitarian and support a shelter for the homeless in my neighborhood.
It'll keep the flies away from my house.

Those Big Issue sellers need to move with the times.
Getting up early to sell magazines on the streets - why don't they use eBay from the comfort of their homes?
Then they'd have time for a bath and a shave too.

If you cant afford an Xbox or PS3 I've found a cheaper way you can entertain yourself.
Drop pennies in the middle of multiple homeless people.
same thing applies gary glitter, his mates, and a small child.
And Fat fighters and a cupcake.
Etheopians and food.

The best player in our football team is a tramp, he learned his skills on the street and has wonderful ability.
The only problem is he never turns up for home games.

As I was walking through central London in the early hours of this morning, I kept seeing people sleeping in shop doorways and alleys.
I thought they would've been grateful when I woke them up to tell them that they had missed the royal wedding and it was time to go home, but if anything it just seemed to leave them feeling distressed.

While walking through town a tramp asked "Any spare change mate?"
I replied "Yes, I've got over 170 in a bottle at home".

Its said that opposites attract, which is true with me and my wife.
She likes to help homeless people back onto their feet, whilst I like to kick them to the ground.

After spending a week in London I saw many sad, homeless people. Which made me realise how fortunate I really am.
I never have to go back there again.

I was at a Calvin Harris gig the other day and the announcer said "please, give a big london welcome to Calvin Harris!",
So i stuck my hand out and asked for spare change

Was playing bingo with a homeless man today. After a few numbers he remarks, "I've got a line."
I said "Yeah. Well I've got a house."

Hgh winds severely damaged a homeless shelter in northern England on Monday.
Rescuers are on the scene with new boxes and sticky tape.

'Why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near'...I sang to the crazy old homeless woman who feeds the pigeons

Did you know that 90 percent of of all accidents occur in the home?
It's a fun fact , and it's also the line I use to cheer up a homeless guy when I don't want to give him any money.

Apparently Premier Inn's now got a franchise that caters for the homeless as well.
it's called Premier Out.