'Why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near'...I sang to the crazy old homeless woman who feeds the pigeons

Hgh winds severely damaged a homeless shelter in northern England on Monday.
Rescuers are on the scene with new boxes and sticky tape.

Was playing bingo with a homeless man today. After a few numbers he remarks, "I've got a line."
I said "Yeah. Well I've got a house."

After spending a week in London I saw many sad, homeless people. Which made me realise how fortunate I really am.
I never have to go back there again.

So im walking down the street and this man is sitting on the floor outside JD sports with a blanket, a dog, a guitar and a bucket of money. Suddenly, in a spontanious act of kindness he lifts up the bucket and says "spare change", so i haistely grabbed a handfull and treated my self to a mcdonalds.

I was at a Calvin Harris gig the other day and the announcer said "please, give a big london welcome to Calvin Harris!",
So i stuck my hand out and asked for spare change

They say 'beggars can't be choosers'
I disagree, I gave a tramp a fiver yesterday and I'm pretty sure he choose to buy smack with it.

I don't know why everyone complains about petrol being so dear at 1.40 a litre.
It's 15 for a litre of Vodka!

I have decided, I am not going to give money to homeless people anymore.
Instead I'm going to give them a housebrick as a first step toward owning their own home.

As it is the festive season I gave 2 quid to a homeless midget and he thanked me in French.
I'm always grateful for small Merci's.

A homeless man caught me with a Jewish girl sitting on my face.
It made me feel sorry for him. At least I had a Ruth over my head.

Homeless people-You woudn't be half as poor as you are if you didn't waste all your money on sharpies and cardboard.

I painted a homeless guy who was asleep on a park bench tonight.
If he's still there tomorrow, I'll give him another coat.

My parents were so proud of me when I told them I got a job working for a well known magazine in the sales department.
It just sounds so much better than 'Big Issue seller'

Shelter have issued a press release to warn of how bad a harsh Winter can be for rough sleepers.
It's an absolute pack of lies; we're only 3 weeks into the cold-snap and already the number of homeless people has fallen dramatically.

I set up a game of "Pick the hat" on the street yesterday.
A tramp came up and after I performed my little show I asked, "So, which hat?" He looked confused and just walked away.
I guess beggars can't be choosers.

I'm surprised all the homeless people don't rob as much as they do. If they get away with it great, if not they end up inside. It's a win win situation.

I saw a man huddled up in a shop doorway today, and he said, "Enough money for a cup of tea sir?"
"Yes, I have actually", I replied, feeling rather smug, as I walked on by.

Tramps...when given 'change for a cuppa' why not put it towards a kettle and teabags. Its far more economical long term.

I feel sorry for the people who sell the Big Issue, most of them have been trying to sell their last copy for the past 2 years.

There's that old cliche of a Dad not having much faith in his son, but my Dad always inspired and encouraged me.
Like the time when he said to me 'Son, I want you to go far.'
He then handed me a train ticket to London, handed me my already-packed bags, and shut the door in my face.
What a guy.

I asked a homeless guy where he was from.
He said,"I'm originally from just outside."

A report has found that homeless people are more likely to believe in God than non-homeless people.
That beggars belief.

I've just seen a dead tramp floating down a river.
He was a lonely drifter.

The BBC are to commission a new tv show about tramps on heroin. It's called Bins & Needles.