I truly admire the ambition of beggars who sit beside ATMs

More riotting set for London streets.
Here is the postcode for your sat nav. N16 6ER.

The Fosters advert shows Brits asking two Aussies for social advice.
Surely that's like asking a homeless person for advice about mortgages.

A bloke knocked at the door this morning collecting for the homeless.
So I gave him some old cardboard and my daughter's recorder.

I hate when jobless people say they're 'between jobs'
You never hear a tramp saying "I'm between homes".

Begging for spare change in the street must be very humiliating. For this reason, before I hand over my 10p, I make the tramp do a little dance for me and my mates. That way, he has provided a service and has earned the money, thereby gaining some self respect.

Mortgages in Britain are getting more expensive by the day but you try explaining to a homeless person how lucky they are, they just don't appreciate it

I knew my new girlfriend was desperate for it, from the moment she approached me with her first chat up line.
"Any change mate?"

There was a french homeless man down my local high street who claimed for a quid we could see the "biggest shoe"
complete con man, I ended up walking off aggrieved with a poor quality magazine

I saw in the news today that the Russian government has introduced a new program to deal with the problem of homeless people in the Moscow area.
They call it "winter".

At the tube station earlier I saw a homeless man sitting on the floor with a three legged dog next to a sign that read: "Help, I'm starving."
He can't be that hungry, he hasn't even finished his dog.

My wife said she's leaving me because I act like a tramp.
I begged her not to go.

A homeless guy knocked on my door last night:
"Excuse me, do you have any spare food?"
"Yeah, do you mind if it's yesterday's dinner?"
"Not at all."
"Come back tomorrow then."

I was on a date with a bird I met outside the supermarket.
I confided, "I have to admit, I've spent a small amount of time inside."
"Oh my god!" she shrieked. "You've been to prison?"
I said, "No, I'm homeless."

Homeless people. Lighten your load by not buying a dog.

When I see homeless people on the streets with their empty cups, I like to chip in.
It's certainly cheaper than crazy golf.

My wife wants a divorce because I keep making jokes about the homeless. She must be overreacting because it's not a big issue.

I've just walked up to a freezing tramp holding a Big Mac and a cup of coffee.
I asked, "Are you hungry mate?"
He smiled reservedly and answered, "Yes, I'm starving."
"Well I don't usually help your kind out," I said, "But, about 100 yards down there, you can probably find the gherkin I chucked from this burger."

I just told my mate that I mugged a homeless guy.
He says I have big issues.

I saw two homeless people kissing the other day. I said, "get a room."

I've just seen a guy lying on a bit of cardboard in a subway, playing a harmonica to earn some money.
It's nice to see not every one's out of work because of the recession.

I dropped my wallet earlier and a homeless man chased me down to give it back.
I was so amazed I took out all of my money and gave him a free wallet.

I got stopped by a homeless guy today.
"Can you spare me something for a cup of tea?" he asked.
I gave him half my Twix.

What do tramps do in this cold weather?
Die.

I was waiting at a bus stop the other day and couldn't help wondering, "if I was a tramp, would I be home by now".