Here I am, at home on sickipedia instead of going to work.
Ironic, that an anagram of sickipedia is "paid sickie."

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman, sit in front of a computer. They go on a site called Sickipedia to look for jokes for next weeks Mock the Week.

On a website I regularly visit there is a link to donate to the site to 'help keep the site free'.
I'm not sure they know what 'free' means.

I was shocked to see 8 people following me as I was walking down my street browsing the web on my cellphone. It has only been an hour since I opened my Twitter account.

My girlfriend said that switching off her mum's life support machine was the most difficult thing that she's ever had to do.
She has clearly never tried to not spill a full pint of beer whilst sneezing.

The internet has become too politically correct. What's all this nonsense about disabled cookies? In my day they were called broken biscuits.

I want to get a DVD from eBay.
I'm confused. Do I click 'Buy' or 'Watch this item'?
Surely I want to do both.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know

To make Christmas Dinner a little more interesting, print off a few jokes from Sickipedia, and pop them in the crackers.

Was just about to sign up to the Facebook group "Feed a child with a click" until I realised how similar "cl" and "d" looked.
Thought it sounded too good to be true.
Just goes to show how careful you have to be with these online deals.

I asked my girlfriend if I could give her one, she said 'Sure, be my guest'.
So I gave her 0.2 instead.

I've deleted so much History on my computer it doesn't even know who the Romans were.

I was asked by a Labour Party activist today how I intend to vote on May 6th.
I replied, "Well I'll be voting as normal, by looking through my favourites and giving a +1 to my favourite incest and paedophilia jokes."

'I'm being fraped!' My girlfriend put on her Facebook status.
37 likes! I think myself very lucky she accidently pressed that f.

My girlfriend thinks its wrong to laugh at the jokes on here, she often says it wouldn't be funny if it happened to you.
But, as I'm neither a 5 year old girl, dead baby or Jade Goody I find this pretty unlikely.

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI.

"Find your ideal partner on Facebook!"
No thanks, I can safely say that one quality I am not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm.

I've been kicked off my Internet dating site for lying.
Apparently 'local celebrity' can't be used as another term for 'known rapist'.

The internet is a drug. You get on for 1 minute to check your mail, 4 hours later your pants are down by your ankles and you feel all awkward and lonely.

A sure sign that I'm spending too much time on Sickipedia.
We went to the estate agents, looking for a new house.
The estate agent asked if we wanted a house with a cellar and I said, "We don't really need one, my wife can't have children!"

The Sickipedia home page is a lot like politics:
On the right you've got a load of juvenile, idiotic nonsense and on the left all you hear about is women, foreigners and disabled people.

TOP GOOGLE UK SEARCHES 2009
1. Facebook
2. BBC
3. YouTube
4. Hotmail
5. Games
6. eBay
7. News
8. Google
9. Yahoo
10. Bebo
Surely I mustn't be the only one that realises something is missing off this list?!

Thank God for Private Browsing. Now my wife doesnt have to find out my sick, disturbing secret;
That I play Runescape.

My boss has threatened to give me the sack for being on Sickipedia too long...
I usually only have to swallow the first few inches.

I googled "Gary Oldman" and got some pretty disturbing images - he's really let himself go, I thought.
Then I realised I'd left the "R" out.