I got a bit nervous when I registered myself on Party Poker and it asked me where it was recommended from!

Nothing says 'Happy Birthday' like a free energy boost on Mafia Wars.

My wife left me because I spend too much time on the internet.
So I guess now the joke's on her.

I'm the victim of one of those e-mail scams from Africa.
I gave them my bank details hoping for 10 million quid but all they do is take 2 quid a month.

I was thinking of posting a joke on here about the World Wide Web
Then I realised people who didn't have the internet wouldn't get it

The new website: police.uk
Type in your postcode and find out how many scousers live in your area.

Do You ever wonder why?,
all these young Girls on facebook pose and look away in pictures,
with a saucy cheeky look on there faces???.
Thats because Im at the window trying to get in.

My mother always used to tell me that anything new I come across makes me wiser person. This would include anything I read, any person I interact with, and anything I experience in life. I actually believed her until I read Youtube comments.

You know when you spend to much time on Sickipedia when somebody tells you that their uncle died of a heart attack in the local Chicken Cottage Restaurant, and the only reply you give is...
"pfft, Chicken Cottage isn't a proper restaurant"

I got in a lot of trouble today for plagiarising another persons work. So I decided to come on here to try and relax.
So I have this good one I just made up, so a man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide...

BBC NEWS: Internet racism pair lose appeal.
"Two men have lost their appeals against the UK's first conviction for inciting racial hatred via a foreign website."
Looks like Sickipedia is gonna be two members down.

One benefit of living in Afghanistan is the 2 hours saved per year scrolling to your country on order forms.

I think Google Circles should have been called Google Rings. I just think it sounds better
For example, if I added a girl from work she would getting a message saying:
'David would like to be in your ring'

I'm the kinda guy that's so lazy I would copy and paste my suicide note from Google.

I tried to view some old emails from when I was at school.
I don't know who emailed me but hotmale.com is NOT what I remember.

Christ, if Sickipedia is crashing this much now, imagine what it's going to be like when she dies...

I went into a library and asked for a book on 21st Century Suicide Bombings.
The librarian gave me the book but said, "There's also a film adaptation that you Moscow and see."

I'm not saying that my Mum is set in her ways, but when I got her hooked up to the internet the first thing she looked up was teletext.

My asian girlfriend made me to get my poem about down syndrome sufferers published.
She loved me mong rhyme...

Just been using the Zoosk dating app on facebook and having looked at some of the profile pictures i have to say the name is quite appropriate.

I can't believe that out of my 378 so-called 'friends' on facebook, only 12 said Happy Birthday to me today.
Really, what do I pay these people for?

Every time I get sick, I always manage to use the internet to diagnose myself
And convince myself I'm dying.

TIP:
It is considered "creepy" by the facebook community to post "*fap* *fap* *fap*" on pictures of your friends first scan.

Sickipedia: The server is experiencing extreme load. Please try again later.
Not the only thing that just experienced extreme load.

Logged onto sickipedia and got greeted with, "Welcome back UnluckyFriedKitten, would you like to go clubbing this weekend?" Well thanks, but I still have that pending court case with Green Peace, you know how it is...