My asian girlfriend made me to get my poem about down syndrome sufferers published.
She loved me mong rhyme...

I'm not saying that my Mum is set in her ways, but when I got her hooked up to the internet the first thing she looked up was teletext.

I went into a library and asked for a book on 21st Century Suicide Bombings.
The librarian gave me the book but said, "There's also a film adaptation that you Moscow and see."

Christ, if Sickipedia is crashing this much now, imagine what it's going to be like when she dies...

I tried to view some old emails from when I was at school.
I don't know who emailed me but hotmale.com is NOT what I remember.

I'm the kinda guy that's so lazy I would copy and paste my suicide note from Google.

"British girl, 9, killed in rafting tragedy in Turkey"
No Google, that's not what I was asking for when I searched for 'watersports with underage girls'.

Has anyone got a time machine I can borrow so I can catch the Hammerfall UK tour?

I find it sad that I got into a fight over the game Farmville.
I find it even sadder that this fight was on Mafia Wars.

Just got an email from GameStop about a new "Black Friday" deal
Buy nothing, take anything?

BBC Sport: "Hammers destroy Man United"
3 guys 1 hammer has been out for how long? And they're just picking this news up?

Egypt has responded to hundreds of thousands of protesters by shutting down the internet.
Listen, if you want people to stay home and do nothing, turn the internet back on.

I don't care if Google Chrome is more secure or Firefox supports more add-ons, there's only one thing I look for when deciding which web browser to use:
How fast it can clear the internet history.

I think most people would actually rather look at a few adverts than having to stomach Jimmy Wales' smirking face everytime they want to find something out.

Me? On MSN? Don't be silly. I have a social life outside, not sitting on the computer all day like some sad nerd.
And (yn) it will stay that way.

It would be funny to make your facebook status "OMG IT ACTUALLY WORKS" and then 5 minutes later make another facebook status that says "Well, I'm gonna test out this time machine"

Just opened the tub of Uranium-235 I bought 704 million years ago to find it half empty! Absolutely disgraceful service, this is why I don't trust eBay.

I just got sent a picture message from a girl I was talking to over the internet I replied asking for a picture she has not used with the fat booth iPhone app, still waiting for her to get back to me.

Why does the Sickipedia homepage offer help, when only the most experienced contributors should ever really seek it?

You know when your fisting animals, shouting racist comments, punching your wife, and raping the neighbours?
If you don't then why are you on Sickipedia?

I can't believe I've only just found out that if you type your search into Google in capitals your results appear quicker because Google knows you're in a bad mood.

I have a phd in washing machinery, people call me the spin doctor

A lot of posters here see their jokes as being their children.
I see them that way too: they're stupid, they're ugly and I wish they'd go away.

The band wagon of periodic table jokes recently has highlighted the poor spelling of a lot of Sickipedians. This got me thinking...
...If only they spent more time in the library.

I had a weird ex-girlfriend she called the cops on me because I used to sit outside her house all day, she said I was stalking her but I wasnt, I still had the code to the wifi.