It's quite ironic that when you get sent to jail in Monopoly, you don't get to collect any money that's rightfully yours. But when you're in a real life jail you get given Christmas presents, Easter eggs & Xbox360's that's paid for by the taxpayers.

"Armless pianist wins talent show".
That's amazing, he really should give himself a pat on the back.

Have you ever hit your elbow, and found it even slightly funny?

My wife told me that I lack self confidence.
Though I'm sure you don't want to hear what I did....

Irony -
Phobophobia - fear of having a phobia

My girlfriend didn't understand what irony was, the triangular burn mark across her face will teach her.

I wonder how bad the various Iceland foods look in real life if they all (even the desserts) look like cat food on the advert..

Now we'll never know if Gazza's chicken, beer and fishing rods would've made a difference.

I don't understand my local Tattoo parlour's new promotional sign - 'Ear Piercing While You Wait'.
To be fair, I'd rather just nip off to HMV while they get on with it.

News: African fruit burns 12.3 lbs of fat every 28 days
Mother Nature, the only woman with a sense of humour

Is it just me, or does anyone else read some of the jokes on here and think "how can the person who wrote this possibly think that anyone would find this funny?"
I know i do.

If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.

Nicola Roberts is appearing at T4 on the Beach tomorrow. I suspect this will be her first time on a beach ever.

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."
- My Xbox companion.

Piers Morgan: Madonna is banned from new show because she's boring and also a con-artist.
Now that's just ironic Piers.

It's ironic how we show our hatred towards Germany...
...by working our whole life towards collecting pieces of paper with a German lady's picture on it.

I read in the news "Benoit Mandelbrot, father of fractals, dies at 85"
but when I looked closer it read...
"Benoit Mandelbrot, father of fractals, dies at 85"

I hate people who make spelling errors because they type without looking at the keyboard.
It gets on my tots.

I swear I saw my Tourette's councillor earlier.
He's not very good.

There was an awards ceremony for adverts on T.V last night.
I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.

I applied for a job at Royal Mail 2 months ago but ain't had a reply,
Think my application got lost in the post.

My dad died when the first two letters of the CURRYS sign fell on him.
Ironically, I never got chance to say goodbye.

The Irony...
I had to leave the O2 Arena to get reception

The BBC have announced they are being sued by Tesla for allegedly rigging a Top Gear race in 2008 to make it look like the Tesla was slower than it actually was.
Personally, I'd say taking three years to do so rather proves Top Gear's point.

My wife threw the tea towel at me the other day and told me that, seeing as how she'd washed up it was only fair that I did the drying....
...so I washed all of our clothes and threw the iron at her....