What do you call a cat in a chemist?
Puss in boots.

Like most sickipedians,
I have to refresh approximately 27 times to finally see some jokes.

Uruguay has decided to get with the times so it's going to change it's capital city from Montevideo to Montebluray.

God, to think, this time next week it'll
nearly be 7 o' clock.

You know how you meet the right person, you know instantly? Why does it take a year and a half when it's the wrong one?

I find that organised people are just too lazy to look for things.

After this gets voted down, I'm going to edit in something hilarious and make it look like you didn't get the joke

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

Why did Emile Heskey cross the road?
Because he missed the bus

My friend said to me "If you could go back in time and shoot Hitler as a baby, would you?"
I replied "No, because as a baby, I probably wasn't strong enough to carry a gun."

They say laughter is the best medicine.
They also say, laughter is contagious.
I'm confused.

A man walks out of a bar.
Take that society.

My wife left me because I like to play with Barbie.
She also insists that I call my stepdaughter by her full name- Barbara.

I've got someone coming round in half an hour to measure up for a conservatory.
I can't wait to see their faces when they realise I'm in a third floor flat.

Do I know an abbreviation for number?
No.

Posting your first joke on Sickipedia is a bit like losing your virginity. It's humiliating, short-lived, and you have a feeling of failed suicide.

Why is this joke like cancer ?
Because not everyone will get it.

Once upon a time, there was a famous black knight on a black horse who desired the hand of a fair princess in marriage. So he rode to the castle where the princess lived to seek the permission of her father, the king, to marry her.
"Who goes there?" demanded the castle's gatekeeper.
"It is the black knight on the black horse," replied the knight. "I wish to see the king."
"Not the black knight on the black horse?" replied the gatekeeper.
"Yes, the black knight on the black horse."
"Very well, you may enter." The knight entered the royal chamber.
"Who is it?" boomed the king.
"It is the black knight on the black horse, your highness. I have come to ask for the hand of your daughter, the Princess Romana."
"Not the black knight on the black horse?" said the king.
"Yes, sire, the black knight on the black horse."
"Well, said the king, "before you can marry my daughter, you must obtain a golden ring from the golden dragon."
"I shall do that," replied the knight, and he rode off to find the golden dragon.
The golden dragon was in his lair. "Who goes there?" it called out at the sound of approaching hooves.
"It is the black knight on the black horse."
"Not the black knight on the black horse?" said the golden dragon.
"Yes, the black knight on the black horse. I have come to claim the golden ring, with which I may marry the king's daughter, the Princess Romana"
The golden dragon gave the knight the golden ring and he rode back to the castle.
"Who goes there?" demanded the gatekeeper.
"It is the black knight on the black horse."
"Not the black knight on the black horse?"
"Yes, the black knight on the black horse. I am here to see the king."
"Very well, you may enter." The black knight entered the royal chamber.
"Who is it?" boomed the king.
"It is the black knight on the black horse."
"Not the black knight on the black horse?"
"Yes, the black knight on the black horse. I have obtained the golden ring from the golden dragon. Now I may ask for the hand of your daughter, the Princess Romana?"
"Before you can marry my daughter," replied the king, "you must also obtain the emerald ring from the green dragon."
"I shall do that," said the knight and he rode off in search of the green dragon.
The green dragon was in its lair. "Who goes there?" it said, hearing the sound of approaching hooves.
"It is the black knight on the black horse. "
"Not the black knight on the black horse?"
"Yes, the black knight on the black horse. I have come to claim the emerald ring from the green dragon, with which I may marry the king's daughter, the Princess Romana"
The green dragon gave the emerald ring to the knight and he rode back to the castle.
"Who goes there?" demanded the gatekeeper.
"It is the black knight on the black horse. I am here to see the king."
"Not the black knight on the black horse?"
"Yes, the black knight on the black horse."
"Very well, you may enter." The knight entered the royal chamber.
"Who is it?" boomed the king.
"It is the black knight on the black horse."
"Not the black knight on the black horse?"
"Yes, the black knight on the black horse. I have obtained the emerald ring from the green dragon and now I have come to ask for the hand of your daughter, the Princess Romana."
"Before you can marry my daughter," replied the king, "you must also obtain the ruby ring from the red dragon."
"Then I shall do that," said the knight and he rode off in search of the red dragon.
The red dragon was in its lair. "Who goes there?" said the dragon, hearing the sound of approaching hooves.
"It is the black knight on the black horse."
"Not the black knight on the black horse?"
"Yes, the black knight on the black horse. I have come to claim the ruby ring so that I may marry the king's daughter, the Princess Romana."
The red dragon gave the black knight the ruby ring and the knight rode back to the castle.
"Who goes there?" demanded the gatekeeper.
"It is the black knight on the black horse."
"Not the black knight on the black horse?"
"Yes, the black knight on the black horse. I am here to see the king."
"Very well, you may enter." The knight entered the royal chamber.
"Who is it?" boomed the king.
"It is the black knight on the black horse."
"Not the black knight on the black horse?"
"Yes, the black knight on the black horse. I have obtained the ruby ring from the red dragon, and now I wish to ask you for the hand of your daughter, the Princess Romana."
"Very well," said the king, "you have obtained all three rings. You may ask for the hand of my daughter, the Princess Romana." The knight was escorted to the princess chamber.
"Who is it?" asked the princess.
"It is the black knight on the black horse."
"Not the black knight on the black horse?"
"Yes, the black knight on the black horse. I have completed the tasks of obtaining the golden ring from the golden dragon, the emerald ring from the green dragon, and the ruby ring from the red dragon. Your father has granted me permission to ask for your hand in marriage. So, fair princess, will you marry me?"
"Nah."

Did you hear about the man with two left feet?
He loves wearing flip-flips

When is a door no longer a door?
When it's Jim Morrison.

Modesty isn't even in the top one hundred best things about me.

We've kicked this emu out of our club because he was too big.
He's been ostrich sized.

They say that ignorance is no excuse.
...well how was i meant to know ?

My wife just asked me to take the rubbish out.
So I kicked my wheelie bin over.

Was just watching BBC news. Saw that an increasing number of Indian villagers are being eaten by Bengal tigers. I feel that this is such an important issue that I've quit my job and I'm going out to help.
Not sure how to get 2 tons of catnip necklaces through custom though.