Am I the only one that thinks big issue sellers need to go onto some sort of sales and marketing course?

My wife is an English teacher and she's getting annoyed at my poor use of the English language.
She's so far ahead of me in terms of language she's literally on a different planet.

2 yank redneck brothers on opposite sides of a river, one shouts to the other "How do you get across to the other side?" "You are on the other side" comes the reply.

Did you hear about the nervous preacher? He had sweaty psalms

Just been into KFC and bought a new i-Twist, still cant figure out how to play my songs on it

What do you call a woman who likes to go out when its windy?
Gail.

I was feeling really depressed the other day so i popped over to see my mate who's a dwarf, he gave me a big hug and told me everything would work out and he said he would be here for me anytime....
Sometimes you just need a little pick me up !

I haven't done a hard days work for the past year,yet our company has received two of the biggest awards in our field..... It's nice to have something in common with Fernando Torres.

Wife and I were about to get into an arguement over what coffee would be suitable for our cafetiere.
Luckily we found the Medium Ground.

I set up a business to help parents deal with all the consequences of cot death.
In hindsight, the company name "From the Cradle to the Grave" may not have been the best choice.

I said to my mate the other night, "don't you hate it when someone is telling a joke and it ends with a terrible punch line?"
He said, "yes".

My mate reckons it's possible to kill your wife with a blender.
I might give it a whirl.

Meanwhile in Africa.
Breaking News: Two goat driven carts ram into the World Trade Huts.

Walking my dog this morning. My mate comes running over to me from the other side of the field.
"My dogs run away! I've lost him"
"Have you tried calling him?"
*checks pocket*
"Na, I've got no signal"

What's Madeleine McCann's favourite Television show?
Lost

I hated it in prison, I used to get beaten everyday.
Turns out I'm rubbish at Playstation games.

I took the wife out for a drink last night.
What a waste of time that was... She could barely keep her eyes open.
I told the tart she'd put way too much mascara on.

I met this girl named Maybelline once.
She said she was born with it.

First Oslo and now Amy Winehouse.
This shows that shooting up will get you in the news.

I should have known better than tell someone my biggest secret whilst attending the Town Cryer's annual convention.

I was chatting with this big fat bird in the pub the other day, When my mates shouted;
Oi! quit disturbing the parrot!

If there's enough room to spell 'bootylicious' on the back of your shorts, it probably isn't.

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with meta humour.
I missed the point entirely for comic effect.

Just to remind everyone that the clocks go an hour forward today
Don't lose sleep over it

My wife is always telling me I need to have a more active and healthy lifestyle...
So tonight, I'm going to walk to the pub at the far end of town.