One day little Johnny goes up to his mother and says, "Is it true babies come from storks?"
"Why yes," says the mom.
"Do storks ever have abortions?" he asks.
Johnny's mother stops and laughs and then says, "Yes, but only the poor black ones."
Little Johnny comes home from his first day at school. His Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"
He replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."
Little Johnny boasted he could make any woman wet just by wiggling his index finger at her!
"prove it" I said
So he pulled out his water pistol...
I treat my women how I treat my condoms;
I eventually break them and put them in the bin.
The teacher asked Little Johnny to spell "straight".
Little Johnny did so without any errors.
"Well done and what is the meaning of 'straight'?" said the teacher.
Little Johnny quickly replied, "Without water in it."
One day, Little Johnny asks his mother "Why are some of your hairs white?"
She replies "Every time you do something that upsets me, one of my strands of hair goes white."
He nods, then asks "Grandma is your mother, isn't she?"
He thinks for a moment, then asks "So how come ALL of her hair is white?"
"Open up, It's social services. We are hear to talk about your son Johnny"
Little Johnny climbs the ladder up to the attic for the first time. When he puts the light on, he sees the playpen he was placed in when he was a toddler. Excited, he rushes downstairs to the kitchen:
"Mummy! We're getting a new baby!"
"What on earth makes you think that, Johnny?" says his mother.
"I've just been in the attic and Daddy's already set the trap."
No more little Johnny jokes.
He grew up and died a long time ago.
"You should never kiss animals," warns the teacher. "Does anyone know why that is?"
"Because of the nasty diseases!" says Little Johnny. "My Gran always used to kiss her parrot and now it's dead."
Little Mary told her mother that dumb little Johnny had paid her a dollar just to see her climb a telephone pole. Mother said" why Mary he only did that so he could look up your dress and see your panties". Little Mary replied "I know but I sure fooled him. I wasn't wearing any panties!"
Little Johnny's father glared at the school report and asked "Why did you fail maths?"
"On Monday, the teacher said six fours make twenty-four. Then on Tuesday, she said twelve twos make twenty-four. And on Wednesday, she said three eights make twenty-four."
"Right," said his father. "So?"
"If she can't make up her mind, how am I ever going to get anything right?"
Little Johnny asks his mum, "Can I cross the road when the red man is on?"
"Of course you can, Johnny," says his mum, "but you have to hold your hands up in the air."
"Why's that?" says Johnny.
"It's easier for them to get your pullover off when you're in hospital."
I'm getting a bit sick of all these "Little Johnny" jokes I keep getting told.
I dont even want to wear one in the first place.
When Little Johnny got home from playing football, his mum asked "how was the match?"
He replied "The winning goal was thanks to me."
"Terrific!" she said.
"Not really," he sighed. "I let it in."
On the first day of term teacher was doing registration. Half way through little Jonny walks in.
"Sorry I'm late miss, I've been up Primrose Hill"
She carries on with registration when little Jimmy walks in.
"Sorry I'm late miss, I've been up Primrose Hill"
She carries on with registration when a new girl walks in late.
Teacher says "Don't tell me, you've been up Primrose Hill"
"No miss, I am Primrose Hill"
Little Johnny said to his teacher, "I don't think I deserve a zero on this test."
The teacher replied, "Neither do I, but it's the lowest mark I can give you."
Little Johnny was helping his father to rake up some leaves.
His father started to tell him how it was the fairies that had turned the leaves brown.
Little Johnny looked puzzled for a moment and asked his father if he had ever heard of photosynthesis.
Little Johnny is at the zoo with his dad and seems to be having a great time, but when they get to the lion's cage, his face turns pale and he looks terrified.
"What's up, Johnny?"
"I was just wondering, Dad," says Johnny. "If the lion escapes from its cage and eats you ... what bus do I take to get home?"
Little Johnny is sent to the store to buy nuts by his mum. On his way, he comes across a circus, the main attraction of which was a life-sized robot of King Kong. Little Johnny, obviously, forgets all about the errand and heads into the circus. He sees the robot, and immediately rushes back home to tell his mother about it.
"Mummmy, mummy!" he yells, "They have a life-sized robot of King Kong at the circus! He's HUGE, mum! His arms, HUGE, mum, HUGE! His legs, HUGE, mum, HUGE! His head, HUGE, mum, HUGE!"
To which his mother replies, "Yes, that's nice, but what about the nuts?"
"HUGE, mum, HUGE!"
The teacher asked Little Johnny, "Name ten animals from Africa."
He said, "Nine elephants and a giraffe."
Little Johnny comes to school with a bruised cheek.
"Why is your right cheek so red?" asks the teacher.
"Because daddy's left-handed."
A little boy and girl at school were having lunch in the shelter shed.
"Tommy," she said, "I'm not eating any more chicken sandwiches."
"Why?" he asked.
"'Cause I'm starting to grow feathers down here," she said, pointing to the bottom of her tummy.
"I don't believe you," he said. "You'll have to show me."
Behind the shed they went, where the inspection took place.
"You're right," he said. "I've been eating a lot of chicken also. Perhaps I'm getting feathers too."
"Well, I'd better have a look," she said.
After a lengthy examination, she looked up and said, "Oh, I think it's too late for you. You've got the neck and giblets too."
Little Johnny came into the bathroom while his mother was taking a shower. He asked, "Mum,
what's that between your legs?"
She told him that was her squirrel.
Later that day he was in the bathroom again while Gran was taking a shower and he asked, "Gran, what's that between your legs?"
She replied, "That's my squirrel."
Then little Johnny said, "Mommy has one too, but hers is not as gray as yours."
Grandma replied, "That's because your mum's squirrel hasn't cracked as many nuts as mine has!"
Anybody else think that little johnny, is going to have quite a remarkable life story?