Little Johnny boasted he could make any woman wet just by wiggling his index finger at her!
"prove it" I said
So he pulled out his water pistol...

Little Johnny comes home from his first day at school. His Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"
He replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

One day little Johnny goes up to his mother and says, "Is it true babies come from storks?"
"Why yes," says the mom.
"Do storks ever have abortions?" he asks.
Johnny's mother stops and laughs and then says, "Yes, but only the poor black ones."

The teacher asked Little Johnny to spell "straight".
Little Johnny did so without any errors.
"Well done and what is the meaning of 'straight'?" said the teacher.
Little Johnny quickly replied, "Without water in it."

I treat my women how I treat my condoms;
I eventually break them and put them in the bin.

One day, Little Johnny asks his mother "Why are some of your hairs white?"
She replies "Every time you do something that upsets me, one of my strands of hair goes white."
He nods, then asks "Grandma is your mother, isn't she?"
"That's right."
He thinks for a moment, then asks "So how come ALL of her hair is white?"

"Open up, It's social services. We are hear to talk about your son Johnny"

Little Johnny climbs the ladder up to the attic for the first time. When he puts the light on, he sees the playpen he was placed in when he was a toddler. Excited, he rushes downstairs to the kitchen:
"Mummy! We're getting a new baby!"
"What on earth makes you think that, Johnny?" says his mother.
"I've just been in the attic and Daddy's already set the trap."

"You should never kiss animals," warns the teacher. "Does anyone know why that is?"
"Because of the nasty diseases!" says Little Johnny. "My Gran always used to kiss her parrot and now it's dead."

Little Mary told her mother that dumb little Johnny had paid her a dollar just to see her climb a telephone pole. Mother said" why Mary he only did that so he could look up your dress and see your panties". Little Mary replied "I know but I sure fooled him. I wasn't wearing any panties!"

Little Johnny's father glared at the school report and asked "Why did you fail maths?"
"On Monday, the teacher said six fours make twenty-four. Then on Tuesday, she said twelve twos make twenty-four. And on Wednesday, she said three eights make twenty-four."
"Right," said his father. "So?"
"If she can't make up her mind, how am I ever going to get anything right?"

No more little Johnny jokes.
He grew up and died a long time ago.

Little Johnny asks his mum, "Can I cross the road when the red man is on?"
"Of course you can, Johnny," says his mum, "but you have to hold your hands up in the air."
"Why's that?" says Johnny.
"It's easier for them to get your pullover off when you're in hospital."

The teacher asked Little Johnny, "Name ten animals from Africa."
He said, "Nine elephants and a giraffe."

Little Johnny comes to school with a bruised cheek.
"Why is your right cheek so red?" asks the teacher.
"Because daddy's left-handed."

A little boy and girl at school were having lunch in the shelter shed.
"Tommy," she said, "I'm not eating any more chicken sandwiches."
"Why?" he asked.
"'Cause I'm starting to grow feathers down here," she said, pointing to the bottom of her tummy.
"I don't believe you," he said. "You'll have to show me."
Behind the shed they went, where the inspection took place.
"You're right," he said. "I've been eating a lot of chicken also. Perhaps I'm getting feathers too."
"Well, I'd better have a look," she said.
After a lengthy examination, she looked up and said, "Oh, I think it's too late for you. You've got the neck and giblets too."

On the first day of term teacher was doing registration. Half way through little Jonny walks in.
"Sorry I'm late miss, I've been up Primrose Hill"
She carries on with registration when little Jimmy walks in.
"Sorry I'm late miss, I've been up Primrose Hill"
She carries on with registration when a new girl walks in late.
Teacher says "Don't tell me, you've been up Primrose Hill"
"No miss, I am Primrose Hill"

When Little Johnny got home from playing football, his mum asked "how was the match?"
He replied "The winning goal was thanks to me."
"Terrific!" she said.
"Not really," he sighed. "I let it in."

I'm getting a bit sick of all these "Little Johnny" jokes I keep getting told.
I dont even want to wear one in the first place.

Little Johnny was asked by his teacher what book he would read if he was abandoned on a deserted island.
He thought for a moment and then replied, "Boat Building."

Who on earth are all these people calling their children 'little johnny'!?

During Sunday dinner, Little Johnny wants to say something to his Dad, but his Dad raises a warning finger:
"Be quiet. I am talking to the grown-ups. Speak when you are spoken to."
When the conversation is over, Little Johnny is allowed to speak:
"Doesn't matter now, Dad," he says. "You've already eaten the slug that was on your salad."

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his Mom, "of course not."Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Little Johnny's mother taught him to say 'whisper' whenever he had to 'tinkle.' One day Little Johnny's grandpa paid them a visit. He was lying on the couch taking a nap when Little Johnny came up to him and said, "Grandpa, I have to whisper." Without opening his eyes, his grandpa said, "Whisper in my ear, son." When Little Johnny's mom heard a yell that carried for several blocks, she came running. "What's the matter?" she cried. Then, seeing Little Johnny she asked, "Did Little Johnny have to whisper?" "Yes!" the old man shouted, "Thank God he didn't have to shout!"

"So little johnny, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"I'm gonna follow my dads footsteps & be a policeman"
"Ohhhh, is your dad a policeman then?"
"No, he's a bank robber"