so, Harry Potter. a teenager that likes all things magic and mystical who grasps his wand all day.
yeah there's a new concept Rowling, here in the real world we call them 'virgins' - virgins who play World Of Warcraft.

Fate.
The Lazy way of defining coincidence to morons.

Watched Dynamo yesterday.
I love how he bottled every trick.

My pet elk has vanished, one moment it was in the garden next moment vamoose

Harry Houdini, David Blaine and many other famous magicians have, for centuries, been trying to perfect the magic art of 'disappearance'.
Now realising their fatal mistake, many magicians have received a new agent.
According to the newspapers, Kate McCann is thrilled with her new job.

For my next magic trick,
I'll need a condom and a volunteer

My mate bought a Crystal Ball the other day
I don't get what he see's in it

I really hate the Tangle Fairy. That mythical creature who's domain is headphone cables, Christmas tree lights and hosepipes.

Watched a magician live on tv last night, he done this trick where he made everyone in the rooms hands repel like magnets.
I thought it was brilliant, but the audiance looked a bit hesitant to applaud it

Was watching 'Dynamo, Magician Impossible' the other day. Must say I found what I was watching to be astonishing, and beyond belief.
I mean, he says he's from Bradford and he isn't a Paki. Who's going to believe that?

A magician is practicing new tricks at home when he accidently turns his family into a three piece suite , after trying to reverse the spell he fails so rings an ambulance .
Hours later he phones the hospital to see how they are doing and the doctor says ' oh they're very comfortable '

'...I never wanted to be a magician, but when my sister came home and said she was getting 100-a-trick, I thought, "It's magic for me!"

I should've read the instructions on Pandora's box before I opened it. But it was all Greek to me.

Ashes to Ashes.
Dust to Dust.
Worst...magician...ever.

Looking into the reflection of two mirrors opposite each other, a surefire way of raping your own mind.

What do you call it when a race of people magically disappears?
Geniecide.

I was visiting Preston at the weekend,
and I saw an amazing street magician who made a seventh of the city disappear before my eyes.
He just waved his wand and....Hey presto.

I asked this loser street magician if he could tell me the way to the train station.
Now I'm totally lost.
To be fair, he's pretty good at misdirection.

I plan on suing derren brown in the new few days after his latest trick.
My brother just can't get out of his wheelchair.

Two gypsy fortune-tellers meet on the street: "You're fine, how am I?"

My wife told me that i couldn't manage to be a full-time dad and a successful magician at the same time
Lets see what she says now i've turned my daughter into a woman

Definition of an amateur magician; someone who can make anything disappear, except their virginity.

What did the magician do when he got angry?
He pulled his hare out.

Do wands come with spell checkers?

I'm like a Magician with women.
I pick a girl at random off the street, saw her in half, and then make her disappear....