A man complains to his wife saying, "We're so poor we can't even afford punchlines to our jokes!"
And she says

My mate asked, "What would you do if you had Richard Branson's money?"
I said, "Probably spend it before he noticed it was missing."

Do Americanisms lose something and sound less cool when you use them in England?
Well, that's the 652,848 question.

If I ever win the lottery, all of my neighbours are going to be so rich!
I'm going to move to a rich neighbourhood.

"Maths for Dummies!" Ten pounds, or three for thirty-five quid!

A beggar asked me for 50P for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."

My wife says I only married her because her dad left her loads of money in his will.
She's wrong. I don't care where she got all her money from.