Built a nine foot high wall around my garden, the neighbours can't get over it.

My neighbour has built a ten foot wall to stop me perving on his daughter.
I can't get over it.

My neighbour went ballistic when she caught me giving her the V's again.
Its safe to say our weekly scrabble games are probably over.

When people ask me where I'm from, I always say ''a lovely little village in Hertfordshire, not far from Knebworth, called St Evenage.''
It sounds better than Stevenage.

A salesperson called me.
"Are you interested in selling your house?"
"I'm interested in my neighbour selling his" I replied, so I booked him an appointment.

I was walking past my next door neighbours when I noticed her house was on fire, so I stripped naked ran in there and tried kissing her.
I don't know what I was thinking, it was all in the heat of the moment.

Who says old people aren't friendly?
Only today as I came home from work my 80 year old neighbour was waving at me with such enthusiasm
And she had a lovely open fire going in the living room

I've been trying to get into the girl next door's knickers.
I'd managed to grab them off the line and get one leg through before her mum started banging on the window.

I walked out of my house this morning and saw two dogs humping.
I wish my neighbours would close their blinds.

I walked up to my blind next door neighbour walking with his guard dog. I said, "Eh up Dave, their letting dogs in the pub now mate."
He said, "That's nice, you can take your missus out for a drink now then."

Just had my next door neighbour knocking on my door when I was playing the guitar,he said" Excuse me mate we can't hear a thing next door" "not a problem" I replied, so I turned up my amp to number 8 .Should be able to hear it ok now .

I've heard its good to write a song about the person closest to you.. So the next one will be about my neighbour

I have a feeling our neighbors are inbred. I asked the daughter out on a date & her dad came out & said that she doesn't do long distance relationships.

I've been learning to speak Urdu for a few weeks now.
It's not an easy language but now I can at least communicate with my neighbours.

I saw my neighbour Walking down the street the other day.
And thought to myself, what strange person would call their child that?

My next door neighbours kid kicked his football into my garden again this afternoon, so I shot it with my air rifle.
I only got his leg, but that should be enough to stop him in future.

My neighbour Is so annoying he bangs on the wall so loud sometimes that i cant even hear myself drilling

I've met this girl who, whenever she's around, makes me so happy.
She's called Sarah Tonin.

I was watching neighbours the other day...
And then they saw me.

I was going through my Sky+ planner, deleting some old films when I shouted to my wife "Shall we get rid of Jennifer's body?!"
Not a good idea when you have nosy neighbours...

My neighbours hate it when I talk to my plants just before I go to bed. They're in luck tonight though, the batteries of my megaphone ran out.

I found out today, that arguments about fences are the major cause of feuds between neighbours.
So I went and took our neighbours fence down, just in case.

The kid next door booted a football into my garden, so I punctured it with a knife.
He almost bled to death but I think he learnt his lesson.

I had to climb Hadrian's wall earlier.
My neighbour never gives my football back.

My neighbour is committing fraud, she's got a "Baby on Board" sign in the back window of her Car.
She hasn't even got a baby.
It died yesterday.