Women are alright but you can't beat the real thing.

Just heard a joke about a Milkman.
Must be doing the rounds at the moment.

How does a woman scare a Gynaecologist?
By becoming a Ventriloquist.

McDonald's: Making children easier to catch for three generations.

I drove over a woman the other day, then I thought to myself "it couldn't of been a woman", I wasn't in the kitchen.

Say what you like about katie Price, but she has done wonders for the comedy business.

I don't mind being a child's toy, its just when people twist the key in my back, it really winds me up

My wife just called me a liar, in front of the judge!
Well she's not my wife, just a girl I followed one Friday night through the park.

China: There are very few countries where you can whistle and your dinner will come to you.

Instead of a blanket ban on smoking in this country, the government should criminalise tobacco and legalise cannabis then no one will care if anyone is smoking.

how can you spot a blindman in a nudist camp?
it aint hard!

I love having unique views in life, but it seems that I am the only one

Watching the gadget show on Dave is like watching the history channel for current affairs.

It must've been a good night... A poster that says "Say No To Crack" reminded me to pull up my knickers.

Having a male gynaecologist is like going to an auto mechanic who doesn't own a car.

You can always find loads of birds in seedy places.

I woke up at dawn once.
That was my earliest memory...

Racism drives me bananas

Philanderers: wear shirts with lipstick-coloured collars.

My mate reckons I never pick up on his use of hyperbole.
Well that's an understatement.

I just found out my local brothel is doing a new promotion!
So if you want to come along, Feel Free!

Quadriplegics - you gotta hand it to them...

The closest thing my wife gets to another man is Russell Hobbs.

Having rhythm is important, I had that drummed into me from an early age.

My phones been on the blink a lot recently. Must be an eye phone.