I spent all afternoon digging the garden for my grandma.
I can't remember where I buried her.

The future: like the past, except you die in it.

Isn't every bike an exercise bike?

Is that a tic tac in your knickers or are you happy to see me?

Did anybody else stumble across this site when they were looking for kiddipedia?

Anyone else think Schumacher should man up?

Norwich City are looking like a recipe of disaster for this season.

According to a new survey, almost half of UK firefighters are considered too overweight to properly fulfil their job.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

You know you've messed up completely when even Hallmark doesn't have an apology card for what you did.

Are homeless people allowed to listen to house music?

I slept like a rock last night.
Outside.

Revenge is a dish best served with laxatives.

Tired apostrophes risk falling into a comma.

How many Smiths fans does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they have a light that never goes out.

If I brought one thing to a dessert island it would be a spoon.

So to recap, I put the top back on my pen.

How does Stephen Hawking press to take a picture of himself?
Print Screen

My plans are always practical! It's the laws of physics that get in the way of my success.

I'm having some prosthetic toes fitted tomorrow.
New changes are afoot.

Chris brown had the right idea. Driving a lamborghini is awesome

You know you're bored when: It's 5.30 am and your sat in your boxers watching Countdown with anagrammer,com open :/

My mother-in-law came over yesterday. I made sure I used bull's milk in her cup of tea.

I wonder if he'd been playing infamous?

I remember the first time I tried Shaving with a Bic.
I ended up drawing more Stubble than I had in the first place.

Me and my family really like our sandwiches but people give us funny looks when we say we're inter bread.