My mother-in-law came over yesterday. I made sure I used bull's milk in her cup of tea.

You know you're bored when: It's 5.30 am and your sat in your boxers watching Countdown with anagrammer,com open :/

Chris brown had the right idea. Driving a lamborghini is awesome

I'm having some prosthetic toes fitted tomorrow.
New changes are afoot.

Since when did bull faeces become so untrustworthy?

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, unless you're the back end of a pantomime horse.

I believe in honesty with my kids.
When they say "Daddy, what will I be when I grow up ?" I tell them "disappointed".

Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done

I became a member of the Secret Seven. It was so secret, I didn't know who the other six were.

I was told that practise makes perfect, which is why I was never any good at anagrams

Would the head of a midget crime gang still be known as Mr Big?

I was thinking of becoming a suicide bomber but they only did temp work.

Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.

I've just sawn the legs off my bed. I need to lie low for a while.

"I'm flying without wings."
So you're just walking then?

I'm not politically correct, but my gollywog is.

Why whenever I click my pen in Africa, do the locals think I'm talking to them?

I've given up trying to convince people that I'm not a quitter.

Due to the amount of complaints we have been receiving, jokes about handicap people have been disabled

What's the difference between my wife and a corpse?
One's bloated and can often be found in a fridge..
And the other one's dead.

Love can't be bought.
But you can rent it.

I'm standing up for my right to have disability benefits.

To be honest reading this website recently i dont think i have ever seen so many guys being so honest

I wanted to be a milkman, I just didn't have the bottle!!"

Microwave (noun): a gesture used by midgets and dwarves to express greetings, recognition or when departing.