To be honest reading this website recently i dont think i have ever seen so many guys being so honest

I read today that Lego, despite the credit crunch have seen there profits go through the roof, then collapsed when some bigger boys put their feet through it.

I'm not politically correct, but my gollywog is.

Why whenever I click my pen in Africa, do the locals think I'm talking to them?

I've given up trying to convince people that I'm not a quitter.

Due to the amount of complaints we have been receiving, jokes about handicap people have been disabled

What's the difference between my wife and a corpse?
One's bloated and can often be found in a fridge..
And the other one's dead.

Love can't be bought.
But you can rent it.

Microwave (noun): a gesture used by midgets and dwarves to express greetings, recognition or when departing.

Glue. It's not to be sniffed at.

I don't get jokes about Botox, a bit high brow for me.

I'm standing up for my right to have disability benefits.

I wanted to be a milkman, I just didn't have the bottle!!"

My mate never has any problems getting 3g on his mobile.
He knows loads of drug dealers.

What do you call a death camp full of kittens?
Meow-schwitz

What's my favorite thing about teenagers? Their little sisters.

I can't picture myself without a camera phone.

doctor doctor, birds keep trying to build nests in my hair!
Have you been on the mephedrone again?

A picture is worth a thousand words, but try saying that with a picture.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

I Took Nine Tests For OCD Today. They All Came Back Negative. I Had To Take A Tenth One Though Because I Only Like Round Numbers.

Every time i had a beer today i got the hiccups. I just kept looking at my misses so they'd go away.

Someone asked me what was the date today.Something quite similar to a prune I told him.

Since her stroke, my Mum's become so two-faced.

Condoms should be used in all conceivable occasions.