My wife left me because I always sound like I'm building up to a punchline.

I was always better at Geography than Maths. When asked "what is long division?" I answered "The Berlin Wall".

I hate people who repeat themselves. Those who say the same thing twice annoy me too.

I've got a good joke about Royal Mail, but I think I'll post it next week.

My mums into role reversal,
she puts the ham on the outside

Earthquakes: they really rock my world.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.

I can't think of anything that resembles Straw, but hey.

A man walks into a bar to find Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse and Whitney Houston standing by the Karaoke machine. He turns to the bartender...
"It's dead in here again then Dave."

I've finally discovered the meaning of life.
Dictionaries are so helpful

My girlfriend says I'm too intimidating, but I think she flinches too easily.

I went to the doctors about an almond I have growing between my nipples.
He said " ahhh that old chest nut ".

I really wanted to finger the missus but my thumb opposed.

I wish my wife was as dirty as this site!

Men who have tools in a womans mouth arent always dentists...

People always need their opinions validated.
Am I right?

My time machine and I go way back

You know it's a sick joke website when the sponsor withdraws it's funding.

My druggie neighbour's got a high opinion of himself.

"Roll up, roll up..."
said the tour guide at the cigarette museum

I'm naming my new yacht "Drug Deal Gone Right."

My wife went out to buy a new car but all she came back with was a bar stool.
Apparently, it's the new Seat.

My wife thinks I'm too critical.
Thats a fault of hers.

Was driving around the neighbourhood where I grew up today.
As I sat there, with the car in reverse, It really took me back.

Does anyone know the name of that black guy who plays for Wigan Athletic?