Hit a child at 70. And there's a 90% chance it's because it stole your Worther's Originals.

My missus says there's some chips in the oven...
I better buy a new one.

I tried to take my wife line dancing with me, but we always ended up getting in a row.

Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.

I give up being a defeatist.

My fiance lost a stone last week
... She's still fat, she's just broke her engagement ring.

Two fat people in a marriage will never work out.

Have you heard about the Dyslexic Tramp.
He keeps dipping his beard into his Soup

Thin ice - It's not what it's cracked up to be.

Maybe poor people don't even like food, we don't know.

The Microsoft Car didn't live up to expectations on release date.
Having too many windows open seems to make it crash.

I didn't want to be a Jedi like my father, but he forced me into it.

I shaved a hedgehog earlier. It was pointless.

Bloke in the pub sold me a pirate GPS. It tells you exactly where you arr.

I'm gonna live forever. Or die trying.

I tried joining a group of contortionists once but I didn't really fit in.

There is a way!
Sincerely, Will.

I was attacked by a Paki doing Martial arts.
Must have been the Karachi Kid.

When I woke up this morning my wife asked me did I sleep well?
I said no, I made a few mistakes.

I'm a respectful builder, I never underestimate anyone.

The hippos at my local zoo do great impressions of my wife.

I don't believe there is such a thing as scepticism.

Anyone else think it would be easier to have a page that says Sickipedia has connected to the database, and put the jokes on the latency page instead of the adds for jamrags?

Statistically...10 out of 9 dividends are gross.

What do you get if you add prozac to your cement mix?
Happy Hardcore.