Define irony ?
Small doors at McDonald's.

Generally speaking, people named Aaron have really lazy parents.

Roundabouts are a revolutionary idea.

I've never called my wife a Dog.
I wouldn't want to Diss a Pointer.

I lost my dog so I sent a tweet on Twitter to try and find him
#hereboy

Just seen two posts and a crossbar made entirely out of fruit.
It was a peach of a goal

My mum's ran off with a black man!
It's Linford Christie. She'll never keep up.

I watered a dwarfs family tree today.
Hopefully they grow now.

My love for music will be the deaf of me

There are two types of people in this world. Those who can extrapolate incomplete data and...

People with time machines need to stop living in the past.

You know you're schizophrenic when you're your own doctor.

All mushrooms can be eaten, some even more than once.

I just bought half an ounce of the finest herb from a rapper I know. It was lethal basil.

Hand Shredder
For self-harmers everywhere

Watching TV always reminds me of why I don't watch TV.

Apparently it's rude to ask a woman her weight except when she was just born, but since I don't boast about how many ounces the last thing that came out of my body was, neither should the mother.

Anyone who says they don't make fun of a muslim's eating habits are telling Porkies.

A mechanic friend of mine died recently, he had an open gasket funeral.

My native American telecoms company went up in smoke.

Nothing measures up to my ruler.

My mate was trying to convince me he had x-ray vision..
I saw straight through him

With the recent spout of evil dictators across the world being overthrown and brutally executed, I can't help but think it's Saddam shame for their families

I Drank a Pint of Real Ale last night called 'Bodmin'.
It was very Moorish.

my friend got bit my a mosquito.. it was malariaous