"You complete me" I said as I looked at Stacey, my organ donor.

Incest runs in the family.

The wife is like an Angel.
Always up in the air harping on about something

I'm probably the type of person that can't make up their mind.

Is white a race if we've already won?

Playing with stretchers are fun, but don't get carried away

i thought that this country had a load of foreigners until i went abroad

major looting in glasgow ' just seen a jock breaking into a five pound note

I've started to wear Dove deodorant recently in the hope of getting some birds.

I picked up a hitch-hiker last night.
I suppose you have to when you hit them.

If love is blind, is lingerie considered Braille?

I've just been to a restaurant and I saw a sign on the door saying, 'Look out for our new menu'.
I walked in and it hit me in the face.

Im a perverted, diabetic, dyslexic, so I cant eat knickers.

Sickipedia is warning us against posting bandwagon jokes - so what are we supposed to do if U2's tour bus crashes...?

LIZARD......lizard........liz...... Is there a Gecko in here?

I actually started my chlamydia clinic from scratch.

I've been diagnosed with water on the knee.
My Doctor says I should invest in a pair of drainpipe trousers.

If alcohol is not the answer, change the question.

Pizza jokes are all about the delivery.

As a polygamist, my life won't be complete until I find that special somefive.

Being crushed by large objects can be very depressing.

Last night I got drunk and stole a Police helicopter...
I've landed myself in it now.

Carbon Footprint - a metaphor for the mark you leave on the earth as you live your life, ofcourse i dont have one as i drive everywhere.

A recent survey revealed that 72% of people think that Serena is better looking than Venus Williams. I think they're both good looking fella's.

I'm not going to make jokes from mixed metaphors - too many other people have milked that bandwagon already.