America. The only country in history to have gone from exploration to degeneration without stopping at civilisation.

I tell you what is dodgy...
Dodgeball.

Is it me or is it that Joseph Jackson looks like a black version of Josef Fritzl?

Walter Cronkite is dead.
That's the way it is.

Girls should be obscene and not heard

Well it's that time of the week where I go robbing houses in Liverpool. See you all later.

I wonder why when all the lights in the city stop working its called a black-out

Men with a stutter have a lot to say.

Anyone wanna go halves on a Portsmouth?

I think my wife said I'm never certain about anything.

You can find your way onto the underground fighting scene if you look hard enough.

I've been invited to a hair-washing party. Can't think of an excuse.

Botox, it's not to be frowned upon.

I was asked if I thought people are censored too much,
So i said "

Quiche... I'm not a flan.

Every conversation with a narcoleptic is a potential bedtime story.

The metropolitan police have received information that 1 in 3 bottles of heinz ketchup may be poisonous.
They say the sauce is unreliable.

Hairdressers, I take my hat off to them.

Natural disasters - keeping sickipedia going since 2001

Roses are purple, Violets are purple, I have purple paint and I like purple.

When a mermaid dies, is it possible to hollow her out and use her as a sleeping bag?

My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a piece of wood. Any questions?

Please knock firmly,
I love firm knockers.

Thanks to Sickipedia, Crispy and Google, I now know what H202 is.

My girl is like a torrent...she goes down loads.