I've heard Matt Damon is going to play Oscar Wilde in his next movie, Bourne to be Wilde

I guess the librarian let Alexander McQueen check out that book.

You should have seen the smug look I gave my co-workers this morning,
as I strolled into my 82nd floor office with a parachute strapped to my back

I keep seeing the word paranoid everywhere

Gazebos.
Gods way of reminding us that we're not quite as advanced as we think

You know you're stressed out when you can hear mimes.

Watching the global financial crisis unfold is like watching my dad being molested a by a fat guy in a clown outfit. I know its going to affect me, I'm just not sure how!

Anybody else find it impossible to walk out of the newsagents without having a sneaky peek at the top shelf?

I'm sick of my girlfriend listening to Cyndi Lauper CDs, time after time.

You know there's a new Hot Joke when everybody pops up with the same witty Facebook status.

I like to watch Crimewatch its cheaper than Friends Reunited

Having no sense of humour is certainly no laughing matter.

Everyone refers to it as the Post Office but I want to know what it is now.

So Humpty Dumpty went to this Serbian music festival....

"It's not size that matters it's what you do with it that counts" i said to my girlfriend as i stabbed her with my 3 inch knife.

It's a sad, sad day when you start to realise you're playing a solitaire game that you know you've already played...

"Innuendo?" What is that, a brand of Italian suppositories?

I hope Disney now decide to make High School Musical 4: The Helen Goddard edition

Must be tiring being a Plymouth fan playing Newcastle away, every single day...

If you work in a hospital, can you call in sick?

After a fight, my wife has banned me from getting on Stella. Luckily she doesn't know about Katie.

Is it just me or does anyone else think that the guys who diligently trawl through jokes to write "DUPLICATE" have jobs as traffic wardens?

So let me get this right. I can start prowling the park an hour earlier this evening?

Your joke isn't too offensive, it just offends people when you get a better score than them.

Hermaphrodites - The only real single parents.