Dead women never say no.....

Dont you just hate it when you slam your computer monitor down thinking that you're on a laptop...

Territorial Army: Part time soldiers, full time banging on about it!

Should we tell the person who invented the number "0" thanks for nothing?

Thanks to Gwen Stefani, I can now spell Bananas.

After being under house arrest for the past 21 years, Aung San Suu Kyi has said she'd like a quiet night in following her release

Living in a country where obesity is on the rise and skinny jeans are becoming a fad, I fear for the future.

My son was crushed by a falling Lego tower..
He didn't make it.

specious wrote:
"I'm so manly that even my sentences don't have periods"
---
I should hope not. This is England and they're called full stops.

When originally entered, the joke was:

I love oxymorons, but I despise contradictory statements.

Black clowns, for those dark humour fans.

If you catch swine flu and a man flu at the same time, does it make you a chauvinistic pig?

Stupidity is not a handicap, park elsewhere

A synanym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell.

Sign language: it's very handy

There's only one down side to having a stroke.

I once sat and listened to the darkness for a whole hour. Then I thought "Hmm, maybe I should put some music on".

Great news for BlackBerry users: a solution has been emailed to you.

Dont drink and drive, take LSD and teleport

The grenade factory is the one place where being able to hear a pin drop is a bad thing

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make a plane.

Ever notice that life is just a series of distractions designed to get you out of bed?

I find numbers very reliable.
I can always count on them.

When you think society has rejected you and you're alone, you come across sickipedia!