It's amazing how many albinos come off the missing persons list when the snow clears up.

If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?

The only thing you can believe in the papers is the date.

I went for an interview to be a lifeguard at a nudist beach.
I was really nervous, so I imagined them all with their clothes on.

Anybody else remember the good old days when 'Where's Wally?' was about as stressful as life got?

I've just been to Thailand and was very disappointed with their range of neck wear.

I have a half-brother. We have the same parents, but he was born without legs.

Conformity....
Everyone's doing it!

I have the world's oldest globe.
It's flat.

Why do old women all have the same haircut?

I went on a cycling holiday recently, and it was exhausting.
I need to get a smaller caravan.

Ever see a dwarf and think, "He'd look great in my garden"

I've never been told I'm a bad listener.

It's a little known fact that women have more hair than men... On the whole.

Anybody else wonder why the army camouflage their helicopters in green?

It is better to have loved a short girl then to have never loved a tall.

Jessie J: "Its not about the money money money, we don't need your money money money"
Is that why it costs 99p to download, Jessie?

A lorry carrying onions has overturned on the M62.
Police are urging motorists to find a hard shoulder to cry on

I come from a small town whose population never changes.
Every time a woman falls pregnant, someone leaves town.

If Christopher Walken. Was to write. A joke. It would probably. Contain. Too many. Full stops.

I wouldn't want to fly Virgin. Who'd want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way?

Missing Yale student found in wall.
She was plastered.

Recent studies show that there were some studies done recently.

Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners.

Pride is like varnish - a transparent layer of tacky gloss that's easily removed with alcohol.