I've lost count of the amount of times discalculia has held me back at work.

Eat yellow snow,it could be beer.

Has anyone actually ever seen a storm in a tea cup?

How funny is the tag example on the add joke page now?!

Is it possible to be racist towards a black albino?

You're about as much use as a Nuns ovaries.

Red Bull farts are the wind beneath your wings.

After that whale ate him, I bet Jonah cancelled his subscription to green peace.

There's a lot to be said for mutes.

I couldn't stand losing my legs.

What do you call tights that are to big for you?

Irony: Like ironing but with more creases

Your wife is like Communism, everybody gets a share.

I don't do jokes about pieces of wood in the corners of fields that don't belong to me.
That's not my style.

I try to avoid deadlines when fisting.

Just took my neighbours lawnmower back round to him and he had a right go at me. I told him that if he didn't want me to borrow it then he should put a high quality lock on his shed door.

Theres something not right about that stroke patient

2 Men go into a pub and sit down to eat their lunches.
"Oi, you can't eat your own lunch here!" the barman says
the two blokes look at each other, then swap their lunches.

Do you know what game really winds me up?
Twister.

What group of people are more likely to commit crimes than any other?
criminals

I love pillows. They are fluffy, soft, and can be used to suffocate you.

Fight Apathy! .... Maybe later

As I was driving down a dark country lane last night, I thought "its a good job that guy invented cats-eyes otherwise that cat wouldn't have seen me"

Look, at the end of the day , i go to bed

I wasn't a very good Hairdresser.
I didn't read the Perms and Conditions.