Some Great philosophy questions which have alluded all of humanity throughout time.
What is the meaning of life?
Is there a god, and if so which religon?
What happens to me after I die?
Where do homeless people charge there phones?

It's simple: you're either in favour of false dichotomies, or you're a paedophile.

Saw a woman in a short mini-skirt and tight top getting into a car today. On the back was a sign that read "Think Bike".
I thought to myself.... I'm way ahead of you.

Give an homeless man a matchstick, and he can make bonfire and stay warm for a day.
Throw him into the fire, and he stays warm for the rest of his life.

If you're not allowed to talk to strangers, how can you make any friends?

I don't understand why skinny and fat are opposites. Surely if you're skinny it means you have lots of skin?

Everybody's on death row, some just get to enjoy it more than others.

I'm studying philosophy at the moment.
I'll never get through this book on Zeno.

Everybody knows that actions speak louder than words... unless you're Stephen Hawking...

egger said: 'Where would we be without maps?'
answer: In the same place, we just wouldn't know where that place is.

Here's a question for all the philosophers out there. If something is listed on page 2 of a google search, does it really exist?

A lesson life has taught me:
Go for Gold
Settle for Silver

I shouldn't question everything... should I?

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll probably wonder why you stopped him in the street to teach him how to fish.

Having an arguement with a women is like getting arrested, anything you say can and will be used against you!

If a tree falls in the wood and no-one is there to hear it, is it funny if it falls on a deaf person?

If a tree falls in a forest, but no one is there to hear it, will a squirrels insurance premium rise?

whoever came up with 'common' sense was clearly a fan of irony and sarcasm.

I seriously doubt the intelligence of the philosopher who came up with "What will be will be".
I'm going to go ahead right now and claim the following- "What has been, has been", "What won't be, won't be", and "What could have been, could have been.".

My philosophy in life is simple...
I'm not to blame but I'm happy to point fingers.

What goes around , comes around
so it really doesn't go , does it ???

I think , therefore I am....But don't quote me on that !

When people ask me if i'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask them, if their hurting hard or hardly hurting!

I've set myself a target: By the end of the year I am going to become an optimist.
I doubt if I'll achieve it though.

If someone says "You've changed"...they're wrong, the proper term is "I've stopped trying to please you."