Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

You don't have to be rich to be my girl, you don't have to be cool to rule my world
with no particular size I'm more compatible with I just want your extra time and your........
Kitchen kept clean.

what is up with all the ginger jokes on Sickipedia?
God already hates them, you don't have to make it worse.

A copper pulled me over in my car today, for speeding.
'And what do you do for a living? Racing Driver?' he said, sarcastically.
'No..' I said, 'I'm a Philosopher'.
'Oh really. And where are you going?'
'Sorry officer, but no man knows his own destiny.' I replied.

Amazingly, the balder i become the more head i get!

Modern philosophy:
The free of sin are those that give their phone to their partner without erasing anything.

Being a nihilist has brought so much meaning to my life.

They say nothing is certain,
How do they know?

If two psychics read each other's minds, don't they read their own minds?

An infinite number of Chavs typing on an infinite amount of stolen computers, will eventually spell one of their names right.

If God refuses to believe in other gods, does that make him an atheist?

Just saw a German philosopher out buying fruit.
Pretty sure I've spotted a Nietzsche in the market.

Philosophy Degree
Here's a question to ponder: What's the sound of no hands clapping?
Your parents after you tell them they just spent 28,000 for nothing.

What's the difference between philosophers and great minds?
Philosophers like a think.

I tested the proverb "The pen is mightier than the sword" earlier.
I found this is only true when the sword is very small, and the pen is very sharp.

A thought. If I enter Stephen Hawking against his will, am I a rapist or a hacker?

Why has no one invented bubble wrap where the bubbles are filled with helium so that your packages are lighter and thus cheaper to post?

My mate was yapping on about how "logic can prove anything."
I said, "Nothing is better than eternal happiness, right?"
He agreed.
I said, "A ham sandwich is better than nothing, right?"
Once again, he nodded.
I said, "Therefore, logic dictates a ham sandwich is better than eternal happiness, right?"
That shut him up.

I was discussing 'head transplants' with a young man today and said,
"Surely the term 'head transplant' doesn't even exist? The brain is the seat of the personality and cognitive abilities. The body, however, cannot function without the brain, so technically we should refer to it as a, 'body transplant'."
"That's an interesting concept," he replied, "But this is double murder either way and you're still under arrest."

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure.

I applied for a job as a philosopher today.
They asked me "Why can you start?"

Why is a building called a building when its already been built?

In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king.
Or is it just the one who claims to have one eye?

I'm not into gyms, my philosophy, no pain....no pain.

I was discussing my life with a young lady and said,
"Let me put it this way. I often look up at the stars for perspective and it makes me think, 'does anything we do really matter?' Because at the end of the day, we're all just a speck of dust in the great scheme of things so why rush around? We might as well just sit back, enjoy it while we can and take life as it comes."
So she replied,
"Ok, so under 'have you been actively seeking employment in the past 3 months?' I'll put a 'No' then, shall I?"