I was discussing my life with a young lady and said,
"Let me put it this way. I often look up at the stars for perspective and it makes me think, 'does anything we do really matter?' Because at the end of the day, we're all just a speck of dust in the great scheme of things so why rush around? We might as well just sit back, enjoy it while we can and take life as it comes."
So she replied,
"Ok, so under 'have you been actively seeking employment in the past 3 months?' I'll put a 'No' then, shall I?"

So, I was talking to 17th century French philosopher Rene Descartes the other day and I said "Rene, I think that your Cartesian Geometry is irrevelevant to everyday life."
He started to reply "Well, I don't think..."
But then he vanished.

I used to be scared about digging for coal but now I have bigger phobias. So that's just a miner one.

Well we'll all soon know what REALLY happened in Neverland as soon as Bubbles can get enough friends with enough typewriters for his autobiography

If women are equal to men why must they beg for equality?

You can't be late until you show up.

As I sit here and ponder the state of the planet - global warming, terrorist threats, ongoing wars between nations, nuclear weapons, oppression, starvation, genocide, famine - I can't help but wonder .... who's going to win Celebrity MasterChef tonight?

The secret to a long life is don't smoke, don't drink and don't overeat.
And the secret to happiness, well that's an entirely different matter.

My family were getting really upset by my choice to live life as a utilitarianist.
So I've turned my back on it, as long as it makes them happy.