Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've got five fingers
And the middle one's for you

Our stock is too low to trade-off,
My friends are about to get laid off
And the future looks grim
For those ever so dim
To invest all their money with Madoff.

Research shows that primary school teachers are telling nursery rhymes more often these days.
The children are said to be over the moon.

Yesterday, my wife
said she's leaving, because I
overuse haikus.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
You're probably the gunman.

The Kraut stood on the railway line
The engine gave a squeal
The driver took an oily rag
And wiped him off the wheel

'Love is like a river, let it flow free.'
Love is like a river, usually someone with more money than you will be able to divert its course.

Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #EE82EE...

Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow,
Gonzales had a little pig, and a pandemic did follow.

I have nothing against poetry.
If it wasn't for poetry, Postman Pat would have a black and white dog.

I've started dating Jason Orange's sister and am trying to impress her by writing her some poetry.
It's a lot trickier than I thought it would be.

I cleared out my schedule
The weekend was freed
But the fishing was ruined
Forgot to bring weed.

I had an accident, just the other day,
I had an accident, i wanted them to pay,
I had an accident, and this is what I said:
I said.......
.....ooh eeh ooh ah ah, ting tang walla walla Bing bang,
ooh reg pooh ah ah, ting tang walla walla bang bang!
At this point the officer insisted on a breathaliser test.

roses are red violets are blue in soviet russia poem write you

Knock knock. Who's there? Hike.
Hike who? What is a haiku?
This is a haiku.

Mary, Mary quite contrary,
watched her garden thrive.
The cops found seed of a rather odd weed; Now she's doing three to five

Christmas is a holiday which i really hate.
Theres nothing about it to which i can relate.
So every December 25th
i kick off my shoes,
go down to the deli
and hang out with the jews..

Mary had a little lamb. Seriously, thats the last time I go to a Sellafield nativity.

On Monday, Jimmy drove too fast and should have paid a fine.
On Tuesday, Jimmy parked upon a double yellow line.
On Wednesday, Jimmy drove through traffic lights while they were red,
On Thursday, Jimmy signalled left but then turned right instead.
On Friday, he drove up a street you only should drive down.
On Satuday, at 3 A.M., he blew his horn in town.
On Sunday, Jimmy washed his car and polished it with pride,
including the blue light on top and red stripes down each side.

Men`s faults are many,
Women have only two:
Everything they say
And everthing they do.

Red ring at night, Gately's delight.
Blue ring in morning, oedema warning.

What is the is the point of learning poetic devices in school?
Take a similie for example - the chances of me ever using one after my school life is about as likely as a Ferret killing a Lion with a samurai sword...

There was an old man from Limerick.
Who was completely unaware of the short but often humurous poetry that shares the same name as his hometown.

I've been watching you for ages,
when you're on the bus or walking.
But I know you've never noticed that
I've been arrested twice for stalking...

Flowers are hated
By most blokes
Now stop with these poems
They aren't real jokes.