Just read a BBC headline, "Intelligence service links 350 guns with crime!"
Really? Next they'll be telling us "Intelligence service links the Pope with religion!"

Did you see that really good episode of the X-Factor last week?
Me neither

I received a sitting ovation once.

"Birmingham city council to cut 2,000 posts"
It may be just me but making pieces of wood that stick out of the ground shorter seems like a complete waste of resources.

Looking at the nominations for sports personality of the year makes you realise just how much the British have dominated the world of sport in the last twelve months.
But who will win, the jump jockey or the darts player?

Look at the state of Englands training camp in Poland.
If only they had the builders to finish it.

Stephen Wright, the famous Scientist once said ''I woke up and all my stuff had been replaced with exact duplicates''
I didn't know he was a sikipedian!!! Hi Stephen!!

Graffiti on the local corner shop in my neighbourhood
PaKI PRiks Ou, ROBin ARe JoB
Yes because it's the immigrants that are stopping you from getting a job, obviously doesn't have anything to do with your intelligence

Just so the Americans on the site are not so dejected .. you can read the New York Times headline of tomorrow here and now ...
'America draws with Ghana 1-2'

A KLEENEZE catalogue gets put through my letter box every month, and a couple of days later a lady calls to collect it. This has been going on for years now....
....Wouldn't it be easier if they just sent it to her in the first place?!!

They say true beauty is on the inside?
Well I guess until x-ray vision is sold in shops fat birds will just have to suffer.

The young boy who died in a tumble dryer has been described as 'soft, delicate and gentle' by his parents.
I'm not suprised, any child would be the same after a 30 minute spin with half a bottle of Lenor fabric softener.

Officer: Do You know why I pulled you over?
Me: I let you.

Sky news:
'Woman who went on run after being convicted of stalking Rio Ferdinand has been located'.
10 yards behind Rio Ferdinand.

BBC News - Artist Tracey Emin has said she is thinking of leaving the UK in protest about being overtaxed.
Finally. A Labour Policy that has benefited the people!

Helpful Tip: Avoid Papercuts by using scissors to remove the sharpe edges of paper before use.

I was doing some web design research into how Sickipedia's duplicate check works.
Then I realised it doesn't.

I was upset last night after my wife had a real go at me for using too much sarcasm.
I feel better now though, the five hour drive to work in the snow this morning really cheered me up.

I've decided to do a spot of painting today, then i'm gonna watch it dry
well i need a bit of excitement after the match last night

I see you liked your chin so much you decided to get another.

I just phoned for a pizza and asked the woman, "How long will it be?"
She said, "It"ll be round."

Dear Odeon,
I support your appeal to combat film piracy, but try to broadcast the piracy phone number BEFORE the Orange advert tells me to turn my mobile phone off.

I've just had a phone call from npower asking me how i'd feel if I were getting cheaper gas from them?
I said ''i'd feel exactly the same as I do now but i'd be getting cheaper Gas!''

BBC NEWS: Cold weather will last 14 days.
Great! After that we should be back to our good old warm winter days.

If you find a piece of paper with my name on it, please give it to your mom.
It's her "to do" list.