Typical necrophilliacs.
Always digging up the past.

'A little knowledge is dangerous thing'.
Explains why so many taxi drivers turn out to be murderers and rapists.

I just smashed my geography teachers antique globe and she started crying.
Apparently, it was her whole world.

Two rites do make a wrong where bigamy is concerned.

From time to time I like to bend my wife over in front of me and take her from behind, but she rarely agrees to it.
Sometimes I just need to twist her arm into it.

If I had a penny for everytime I picked up a penny, I'd have the same amount of money as I have now

If at first you don't succeed, call it third time lucky. That way at least you won't be deemed a failure quite so soon

Went to Mars on holiday last week and painted the town red.
Couldn't find it again after that.

Sticks and stones may break my bones.
So, please don't hit me with sticks and stones.

I went to a seminar about building temporary roads.
Made my own way home

Angular momentum makes my world go 'round.

"If I don't laugh I'll cry!"
Thank you, whoever penned that little gem, got me through my mother-in-laws funeral.

There is a crazed, murderous doctor on the loose.
I'm eating an apple a day.

Breaking News -
'Over 100 Die In Kenyan Pipeline Explosion'
A full report is in the, erm, pipeline...

If you can make just one person's day a little brighter... you're probably not a very good electrician.

They used to say that great story telling was to start at the end.
Once upon a time.

30 days in September, April, June and November.
No it's not. It's 120.

When horses get really hungry do they try and keep their distance from each other?

"Beauty is only skin deep!"....
One of the many reasons not to get with a wog.

What shape does a pear go when it all goes wrong?

You know the old saying, 'You break it, you buy it'?
What if it's in the alcohol section and you're underage?

The unimaginable: you couldn't make it up.

I was watching Don King ordering his contractors to suspend a boxing ring in mid air using four cranes when I suddenly thought to myself...........Hang a bout?

Stephen Hawking is continuing gambling after netting 250,000 in just one week.
Looks like he's on a roll.

Women around the world are waking up to the dangers of Rohypnol.