The school Career's Adviser is speaking to Johns dad. "Frankly," he said, "Your son is rude, churlish,vacant with an intelligence level bordering on moronic. On the rare occasions that I can extract a response from him, inevitably it is monosyllabic..... We think he has a great future ahead of him selling trainers in Sports Direct

As I lay beneath the stars taking hundreds of spectacular pictures I couldn't help but think...
I've just taken voyeurism to an all new level of low.

I was doing a chemistry paper today and the question was "Why is NH3 important to humanity"
Apparently "to serve Mein Fuher and rid the world of Jews" i not on the mark scheme

At school they call me the whizz kid.
But then again that's only cause I wet myself in the GCSE maths exam.

I was always the best at maths in school.
Pretty much the bare minimum as a teacher.

The kids go back to school tomorrow.
Dunno who's more excited, the parents or the pedo's?

I failed all my AS exams last summer, In exams I can't stop myself from doing origami. My girlfriend says its because I fold under pressure.

I've just sat through a lecture on 'how obesity affects constipation'.
It was heavy going.

Gravity is a law. Lawbreakers will be brought down!

okay so I have to stand up in front of all the staff at inset day 2morrow and talk about what inspires me as a teacher........ should I mention the 12 weeks holiday a year I get???

The only person who can get better results in my exams than me is Mark Scheme.

My dad always told me rules are there to be broken.
That is why I could never draw a straight line in school.

I couldn't be bothered getting my son a costume for his dress up day at school today, so just told him to take the laptop with him.
"How's that dressing up?" my son asked.
"Easy, just tell them your a pirate" I replied.

How do you get loads of new bestfriends?
Open a pack of gum.

I am moving to a new school and I know the other kids do "mum" jokes
I don't know how they are going to make fun of me though
I have two dads

We live in a society where the students are higher than their grades.

My girlfriend didn't do very well in her GCSEs.
And her mother didn't appreciate me saying that she could go a long way with her 34 D's.

There is a hide-and-seek game organization, the president of which hasn't been found yet...

I remember all the baking I did in home economics in school.
The teachers couldn't see round the back of that building.

When I was in school I was in a science lesson, and it was a quiz. My science teacher asked the questions and we put our hands up and answered them. The question was, "If lots of cells make a tissue, what do lots of tissues make?"
To which I replied, "A lonely Friday night?"

I asked my Geography teacher where Mozambique is?
I dont know im your im your Maths teacher,he replied.
I said dont change the subject.

My Mate Always Got Bullied At School,
Can't Be Easy When You Have The Name Paul Skinback.

What goes, 'Two A's, Three B's, One C, Two D's and an E'?
The alphabet being recited by a dyslexic.

I fell asleep during Geography, only to be woken up by the teacher a couple of minutes later.
"Hey, there, Sleeping Beauty!" she said sarcastically. "Why don't you tell us where Flanders is?"
Apparently, the answer "Right next to Homer, and now let me sleep, you stupid cow!" is only good for getting you a detention.

so its GCSE results day today and if i do as well as im expecting then the only letters ill be seeing is A and E