My maths teacher staples Burger King applications on failed tests

At my school every student smokes pot before school.
That way no one misses out on higher education.

They say 'a picture paints 1000 words'.
Apparently the exam board disagrees with this statement where 5000-word essays are concerned.

When i was teaching at the school the other day a student came in 15 minutes late. I said
"Where have you been?"
"I've been up Cherry Hill sir," the boy said. So then I asked him to sit down and get on with his work. 5 minutes later another boy walks in.
"Where have you been?" I demanded.
"I've been up Cherry Hill sir," He said. Then he sat down and got on with his work. 20 minutes later another boy walks in.
"Where have you been?" I demanded once again.
"I've been up Cherry Hill sir."
"Can someone please tell me where Cherry Hill is?" A young girl walks in and says,
"Right here sir."

I used to hate maths but then I realised decimals have a point.

I kicked my daughter out of the house for missing a period.
A bit harsh perhaps, but in my house we pride ourselves on correct sentence construction.

My English teacher told me that I don't understand the concept of explaining things properly in my written work,
it made me feel this small.

Teenage girls. Don't worry if you didn't do great in your GCSEs.
As long as you got a 'C' in Childcare you're sorted

My Wife asked me what I had done at work today.
As a teacher, I told her I had asked the children to describe glaciers.
'I see', she said...
Exactly the answer most of the children gave.

Good luck to all the 16 year olds getting there GCSE's results today!
And their kids getting SATS.

I think using Sickipedia should become part of the school curriculum for 5 - 10 year olds.
Okay their innocent little minds will be corrupted and there is also a good chance they would be groomed by a paedophile but at least they would be able to spell properly and have good grammar.

A lot of the people I went to high school with are getting married and having kids.
A lot of the people I went to high school with are idiots.

An old friend dropped by and we talked about the past while looking through our college yearbook. I pointed out the three girlfriends I banged. He beat me though when he listed his sixteen scores.
I would have won but medical cadavers don't count.

My mates and I got our results back today, none of us failed!
We all have aids.

"A" level results announced, within 10 minutes the server collapses and everyone's panicking they won't get a place."
Don't worry, McDonald's have repaired the server and said there's plenty of jobs for all......

I got an A on my English paper today. Well I think I did...
I'm not sure whether the F, I and L make it better or worse

Just found out my son's having some bullying problems. Apparently the school won't let him do it.

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Me: Sorry Sir, my dog ate it.
Teacher: But, you homework was to make an abstract object made of razorblades.
Me: I know Sir. My dog is dead.

All the people opening their A levels on tv
Why won't one of you fail?
Please

BBC News: Exam board put foreign names in tests to avoid suspision of racism.
Nasty gits, as if it isn't hard enough already for dyslexic people to read the questions.

My mate is a part-time teacher, or teacher as it is known.

Teenage pregnancy and drug use rates are rising.
No wonder this year's biology and chemistry exam results reached a record high.

Geometry is just plane fun!

I didn't know the answer to the exam question "What is plagiarism?"
So I just copied off the bloke next to me.

Today, my history teacher asked,
'What the most disgusting history you've observed Jimmy?'
Turns out my older brother's web history wasn't a suitable answer...