Whoever lost the Higgs Boson must be a very relieved man.

A consortium of industrial companies has started an experimental programme using bankers instead of rats in its laboratories.
Unfortunately, the programme will be shut down next week, as none of the results can be applied to human beings.

daily mail headline: nasa mission that will take astronauts to mars and leave them there forever.
justin bieber, david cameron, piers morgan, the french. just putting them out for consideration.....

Some guy asked me what a Mobius strip is today. I didn't know where to begin.

BBC headline: "Scientists create 'dry water'".
All you need to add is water.

Thinking about it, my favourite topic in physics is reflection.

I went to a restaurant on the moon the other day.
The food was great, but there wasn't really any atmosphere.

Scientists in Fairbanks Alaska have announced that they have discovered a superconductor that will operate at room temperature.

How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the light bulb and the other to rotate the universe.

There's been some strange news about charged particles recently.
Im gonna keep my ion it.

Argon auditioned for a part in a play, the director asked Argon to redo the scene.
But little does he know, Argon never re-acts.

BBC Sci-Tech News: "Bacteria have a sense of smell."
So there's no bacteria in France then.

Heisenberg's wife was unhappy because when he had the time he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position he didn't have the momentum!

Action potentials really get on my nerves.

I was shown a molecular level diagram earlier but couldn't see any of the particles.
I swear I was looking right atom.

A star walks into a black hole, but doesn't seem phased, so the black hole turns to the star and says, Sir, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation.

I before E except after C
I think you'll find Einstein disproved that

A vector goes to drug counselling to get help for his linear dependency ...

Research into to male ejaculatory pressure was abandoned due to poor and unpredictable recruitment.
They only came in dribs and drabs.

I've just sent my mate a carbon copy of an e-mail.
It took him a half-life to open it.

Cats are composed of iron, lithium and neon.
FeLiNe.

i told this morbidly obese woman that i was attracted to her
'thanks' she said
'no love, i mean gravitationally attracted' i said

I can't seem to be able to study the model of an atom.
It's just too Bohring.

Browsing a paleontology website today, one of the pages wouldn't open.
I think I've found a missing link.

My pessimistic chemistry teacher has a snooker cue with a nickel tip
He tells everyone the end is Ni