I could tell you all there is to know about atoms, but i dont want to Bohr you

Michael Jackson proved evolution, he went from a monkey to a man.

What's the problem with living in the ocean?
There's anemone round every corner.

I think it's great for mankind that the Mars Rover landed safely.
You never know when we might need another image of a crater or a rock.

Were you aware that eukaryotic cells (with a true nucleus) have flagella, whereas prokaryotic cells (without a true nucleus) have the same flagella, but for some reason, they are referred to as undulipodia?
Biological terminology just keeps getting cillia...

I just bought an expensive water filter.
It's so good that the water ends up being only hydrogen.

I'm a scientist stationed in the Arctic and several times a day, I've been chatting online with with a female colleague working in the Antarctic.
Though we're poles apart, there is a certain magnetism between us.

My government funding got stopped today.
After ten years of trying, I've still failed to cross human DNA with a sock.

A guy at work said he was the Great Grandson of Albert Einstein.
I asked him to explain his theory of relativity.

I'm just glad to see racism isn't isolated to our little planet
Black holes = bad

I have written a new song about the effects of Frequencies in the Human Body.
I've called it Everybody Hertz.

I walked into a room of electrons
it was so negative!

Today we discovered the origins of the Quark.
Turns out it was just a posh duck.

An acid asked an alkali for help with a maths problem
Turns out it was a pretty basic solution

I thought I'd found a way to square root negative numbers. I must have been imagining things.

You take sodium, a highly reactive element that sets water on fire and chlorine gas, which breathing would most likely kill you faster than tempting to consume sodium, and you get table salt, a delicious seasoning that is inside everyone's kitchen.
Isn't that ionic?

The Higgs Boson jokes bandwagon... who hasn't Lepton?

What drink do physicists drink?
Wife .

The name's Bond, Ionic Bond.
Taken, not shared.

Just invented a new type of meat that can only be produced by launching a bovine towards a pig at the speed of light. I call it the Hoggs Bison.

At the lab today we mixed nitrous oxide with mustard gas.
God it was great - we laughed until we cried!

I know a CRACKING example of thermal decomposition of hydrocarbons.

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
To get to the same side.

I banged my Neon the Periodic Table.

Scientists are trying to create life from inorganic chemicals.
To be honest lads we'd be happy with hoverboots.