I work for tesco and often go down to other supermarkets to see what they do which we don't.
I was walking down the road the other day when i saw in a newspaper: MAN EATEN BY SHARK IN ICELAND.
Well we don't have any sharks at Tesco...

The easiest way to find something lost around the house, is to buy a replacement.

I just heard Clinton Cards were shutting down, so I popped into hallmark and got them a sorry your closing card.

I bought a picture of the Virgin Mary off eBay today and it has an uncanny
resemblance to a piece of Pepperoni Pizza.

Some woman had the cheek to knock my door and ask me if I knew where the garden centre was.
"I don't work here love, I'm just carrying my new door out to the car", I replied.

I while ago I decided to bid a dollar a day on a randon eBay product, just to earn myself a few nice trinkets.
Day one: a roll of duct tape.
Day two: a pair of furry handcuffs.
Day three: an industrial shovel.
...I'm going to stop this now before I end up on every FBI list ever.

I was supposed to pick up one of those memory foam pillows while I was out shopping today, but I forgot.

I can't wait for the Boxing Day offers in Asda tomorrow.
Like 3 Easter Eggs for 5

Hi, Welcome to Abercrombie.. our sizes are: small, x-small, anorexic, bulimic, and Ethiopian.

Got this new double bed but it's rubbish and my feet dangle off the end.
I hate stupid people. What kind of stupid idiot designs a bed that's wider than it is long?

I sometimes like to go into Asda and buy the smallest, cheapest single item can find.
When I get to the till, and they ask me would I like some help with my packing, I always say yes.

My teenage son is on his 'Gap year'.
He was too thick to get into college, so he's working in the clothes store at the shopping centre.

I've always thought that parenting was in many ways similar to raising a dog.
Which is why i've just left my toddler tied up outside Tesco while i do some shopping

Just got my Jewish mate some cologne for his birthday.
HoLacoste.

If I had a pound for every useless household item or out of date food product I managed to sell to poor people, I could open up a branch of high street stores with an unimaginative name.

Went shopping with my wife to ikea at the weekend. Soon after entering i saw a woman staring at me, she kept winking and smiling at me, and as soon as my wife went off to look at kitchen fittings, she came up to me.
Seductively she asked "Monogomy is not for everyone"
I replied "I agree... I think the beech units would look much better"

I just bought a straight piece of plastic.
It rules.
------------------------------------------------------------
I just bought a grey lump of limestone.
It rocks.
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I just bought a Dyson.
It sucks.
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I just bought a fridge, it's cool

Sainsburys: Half price joints this festive period!
I'm not sure when they legalized it but I am going to get so stoned this Christmas.

Just reading the reprint of the first ever news of the world from 1843 and have to say the news is very different than today's current affairs.
However i did notice the same old adverts.
DFS sale starts today

I bought some Greek olives in Tescos today. They were on special offer: Buy 1, Give half back.

Shops: Instantly de-value your business by adding the letters "4U" in your shop name

I've just noticed that lots of black people work at my local steel factory.

I was in a shop the other day and the girl behind the counter said: can you come on this till please. So I did

daily mail- 10 pounds off your shopping at waitrose.
excellent a pint of milk will be 99p

Decided to try out one of these half marathons to get fit.
So I went shopping with the wife.